


The Avengers Definitely Not PG Discord Servers (The Saga Continues)

by silentwhisper002



Series: Avengers on the Interwebs [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5SOS - Freeform, Avengers Family, Bad Jokes, Cat Crew, Cats, Chaos, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Domestic villains, Drunk Shenanigans, ESC Club, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Humor, I Don't Even Know, Loki has an army of boybands now because I said so, Loki is a cat dad, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker & Shuri Friendship, Peter and Shuri are the Dynamic Duo, Peter gets an alpaca, Pizza, Precious Peter Parker, Science Bros, Sequel, Steve and Carol still don't get along lol, Trio of Terror, bird squad, im back, more cats, musical numbers, space girls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24864010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentwhisper002/pseuds/silentwhisper002
Summary: There was an idea, to bring together a group of people, and put them all on a discord server. It created friendships, squads, relationships, love, hate, pizza trees, and most importantly, CHAOS. And now, they've returned, chaotic as ever.Caw Caw M*ther****ers. I'm Back.Part 2 of the Avengers Not-So-PG Discord Servers
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Loki/2010's Boybands, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker/Apple Juice, Scott Lang/Hope Van Dyne, Thor/Poptarts, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Series: Avengers on the Interwebs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1799041
Comments: 379
Kudos: 82





	1. Prologue: We're Back

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHOS BACK  
> BACK AGAIN  
> ANGIE'S BACK  
> TELL YOUR FRIENDS
> 
> HI HI! If you're a returning member, then WELCOME BACK! If not, I suggest you turn around and start by reading the first book in this series, The Avengers Not-So-Pg-Discord Servers before you jump into this one. Otherwise you're going to be hella confused. But hey, you do you.
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W  
> Chapter Text

_Angie Created a Server_

_Angie Named the Server: **Server Reunion**_

_Angie invited Everyone_

**Angie:** Y’all I’m getting the band back together

 **Peter:** HAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

 **Shuri:** YOU THOUGHT YOU SAW THE LAST OF US

 **T’Challa:** …

 **Strange:** Oh Dear God

 **Strange:** We’re still doing these?

 **Clint:** YEEEHAWWWW PART 2 BITCHES

 **Nat:** CLINT STOP YELLING

 **Clint:** Oh I’m sorry Natasha

 **Clint:** Is my excitement interrupting your anime?

 **Nat:** I-

 **Nat:** ….

 **Nat:** You know what? Yeah. Yeah, it is

 **Clint:** I KNEW IT

 **Clint:** NATASHA WATCHES ANIME! NATASHA WATCHES ANIME!

 **Sam:** Clint you still watch Oswald the Octopus, so I don’t see what you’re carrying on about

 **Clint:** Well damn Sam, go ahead and expose me don’t you?

 **Bucky:** sjdjsfh

 **Bucky:** lol

 **Carol:** IM WHEEZING

 **Carol:** CLINT THAT SHOW IS FOR FIVE YEAR OLDS

 **Clint:** ITS NOT MY FAULT, BLAME PETER, HE GOT ME ADDICTED

 **Wanda:** Lmao Peter you watch Oswald?

 **Peter:** Yeah, Ronan introduced me to it

 **Carol:** I-

 **Tony:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

 **Steve:** Why is everyone screaming?

 **Carol:** Peter fixed the network

 **Carol:** We can use discord again

 **Steve:** Oh shit, the servers are back?

 **Strange:** That’s what I said

 **T’Challa:** I am not looking forward to this

 **Shuri:** SILENCE BROTHER

 **Peter:** SILENCE OR WE SHALL TAKE YOUR TOES

 **Shuri:** AND YOUR KNEECAPS

 **T’Challa:** THIS IS WHY MOM DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU

 **Wanda:** lmao

 **Angie:** Jfc I tell you we’re rebooting the series and y’all lose your shit

 **Strange:** Why

 **Strange:** Why would you do this to me?

 **Bruce:** Because she can

 **Angie:** ^^^^

 **Shuri:** Gotta do it for the fans

 **Angie:** The people wanted more, and I live to please to people

 **Strange:** Yes, but just because you do, doesn’t mean _I_ have to

 **Thor:** Hush Magic Man, I for one, enjoy these servers

 **Loki:** Brother, someone could show you a ten hour loop of paint drying, and you’d enjoy it.

 **Nebula:** jsdhjshdf

 **Carol:** NEBULA

 **Carol:** WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

 **Nebula:** Didn’t Ange tell you?

 **Nebula:** I’m a regular now

 **Strange:** You?

 **Strange:** A regular?

 **Strange:** I’m actually going to die

 **Nebula:** >:)

 **Carol:** I have a feeling this is going to be a good time

 **Peter:** LETS DOOOO IT

 **Nat:** LET THE CHAOS BEGIN


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another chapter :))

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter named the server: **I Can’t Sleep** _

_Peter invited Everyone_

**Peter:** _SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF CHEESE_

 **Shuri:** _WHO AM I TO TAKE YOUR KNEES_

 **Peter:** _I'VE TRAVELED THE WORLD IN A CAN OF BEANS_

 **Shuri:** _EVERYBODY EAT YOUR GREENS_

 **Strange:** I’m sorry, what?

 **Loki:** Sweet dreams are made of silence, who am I not to commit violence if you don’t stifle yourselves and let me sleep

 **Nat:** 👀

 **Nebula:** You touch the spider child, you fuckin’ die, Licky

 **Loki:** _**Excuse me???**_

 **Nebula:** Did I stutter?

 **Carol:** _L i c k y_

 **Carol:** _im dying_

 **Wanda:** ^^^Proud wife

 **Nebula:** 👌

 **Wanda:** 👌

 **Steve:** Peter, its 3am, please go to sleep

 **Peter:** I can’t

 **Peter:** The power of cheese dreams compels me

 **Strange: @Tony** , tf is your kid on?

 **Tony:** He’s high on the internet probably

 **Peter:** hehehehe

 **Vision:** I don’t blame him, the internet can be a terrifying place

 **Bucky:** Yeah the last guy spent 15 minutes there and decided that all of humanity had to go

 **Sam:** Hey, I don’t blame him

 **Nat:** Hey, y’all, do you think we could NOT HAVE THIS CONVERSATION AT 3AM WHEN I’m TRYING TO SLEEP

 **Loki:** THANK YOU

 **Loki:** SOMEONE WITH COMMON SENSE

 **Clint:** FUCK OFF NATHANIEL

 **Nat:** No u

 **Strange:** Oh God

 **Strange:** Not you too

 **Nebula:** I’ve taught you well Natasha

 **Strange:** I knew having you here would be a bad idea

 **Nebula:** Deal with it

 **Tony:** Wanda, I approve of this one

 **Strange:** Of course you do Tony, you approve of anything that pisses me off

 **Tony:** Listen, I have my reasons 

**Strange:** Which would be?

 **Tony:** There can only be room for one narcissist in this house, and that’s me

 **Carol:** Steve call 911, I think I’m dying

 **Steve:** You’re fine?

 **Carol:** No, no

 **Carol:** I’m allergic to Narcissists

 **Nebula:** Lmao

 **Scott:** Hey, I’m just glad I’m not the only one having weird dreams now

 **Steve:** You all need to stop smoking crack before you sleep

**Carol:**

**Hope:**

**Carol:** Steve you’re old

 **Peter:** I have dreams of mountains of cheese

 **Shuri:** ALL HAIL THE CHEESE KING

 **Peter:** HAIL

 **Shuri:** HAIL

 **Peter:** HAIL

 **Shuri:** HAIL

 **T’Challa:** Mom come get me, I’m scared

 **Nat:** ^^^

 **Bruce:** ^^^

 **Peter:** Not only do I dream of cheese, but I also make impulsive 3 am decisions

 **Strange:** Oh God

 **Strange:** What did you do

 **Tony:** 👀

 **Tony:** Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?

 **Tony:** Peter what did you do?

**Peter:**

**Peter:** I may or may not have bought an alpaca off of Craigslist

**Tony:**

**Steve:**

**Strange:**

**Nebula:** Peter I love you

 **Peter:** His name is Baby Yoda

 **Shuri:** FINALLY

 **Shuri:** WE HAVE A BABY YODA

 **Steve:** Peter

 **Steve:** Why

 **Steve:** Just….why?

 **Steve:** Out of all the things you could have bought

 **Steve:** Why tf did you pick an _alpaca_

 **Peter:** Like I said

 **Peter:** Impulse

 **Wanda:** I for one approve of this investment

 **Strange:** Of course you do

 **Strange:** You approve of anything chaotic

 **Thor:** What’s an alpaca?

 **Peter:** Look it up

 **Thor:** …

 **Thor:** !!

 **Thor:** PETER HOW COULD YOU NOT GRANT ME THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SUCH A CREATURE EXISTED?!

 **Shuri:** RIP

 **Tony:** I-

 **Tony:** You kids will be the actual death of me.

 **Nebula:** Yeetus Deletus

 **Loki:** I am going to yeetus deletus all of you if you don’t SHUT UP

 **Thor:** Would it hurt you to be nice to people for once brother?

 **Loki:** Yes, It physically pains me

 **Clint:** And this is why he’s a cat person. They’re all antisocial sass-masters

 **Wanda:** Wow, do you just assume all cat people are like that? 

**Clint:** Yes. Yes I do

**Wanda:**

**Wanda:** You know what? You be right.

 **Nat:** Lmao we totally are

 **Carol:** But cat people are all antisocial together

 **Strange:** Okay, but this still doesn’t explain the alpaca

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really like cheese. Sorry its a little short, I'm trying to balance writing this and film school summer homework. Next will be longer, I promise.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and y'all know the drill. Comments, requests, etc. I love hearing from you! See you in the next chapter!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	3. Bird Squad Plays Mario Kart (Ft. Nebula)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to the Server Squad's resident Shitposter who has been asking for this for a while now.  
> You're welcome :)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Clint Created a Server _

_ Clint Named the Server: **Big Mothersqwaking Sqwak** _

_ Clint invited: Sam, Bucky, Steve _

**Clint:** CAW CAW

**Clint:** BIRD SQUAD ASSEMBLE

**Steve:** Clint

**Steve:** If you’re typing it

**Steve:** YOU DON’T HAVE TO FUCKING YELL IT OUT LOUD TOO

**Sam:** Seriously dude

**Sam:** We’re all RIGHT NEXT TO YOU

**Clint:** SILENCE 

**Clint:** I have the squawking ground

**Bucky:** Would anyone care to explain why Clint has decided to grace me with a headache?

**Clint:** I’ve come to a realization 

**Steve:** Which is?

**Clint:** I’m bored

**Clint:** So naturally

**Clint:** You all must entertain me

**Sam:** I feel like this is just a really over dramatic way of you saying that you want to play Mario Kart

**Clint:**

**Clint:** ……

**Clint:** Yes

**Bucky:** lmao

**Steve:** Are we sure that this is a good idea?

**Steve:** I mean, the last time we did this, Clint and Natasha got into a torch fight

**Clint:** That’s  _ exactly _ why we should play

**Clint:** I’m in the mood for a torch fight

**Sam:** Only if you want your ass kicked

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Clint:** YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME AT MY OWN GAME?

**Sam:** Bold of you to assume that it’s  _ your _ game

**Clint:** ….

**Sam:** ….

**Bucky:** _cronches on popcorn_

**Clint:** Oh its on bird boy

**Sam:** Bring it

**Steve:** Dear god

**Clint:** HEAR MY SQWAK OF FURY AND TREMBLE IN FEAR WILSON

**Bucky:** Alright, I set it up

**Sam:** RAINBOW ROAD

**Clint:** RAINBOW ROAD

**Bucky:** Wow

**Bucky:** Why can’t you two have this kind of energy when we’re out fighting aliens and demons

**Clint:** This fury is saved only for my greatest enemy

**Steve:** …..

**Steve:** Okay then

**Bucky:** I feel like we should just let them duke this one out

**Steve:** Ref bros?

**Bucky:** Ref bros

**Bucky:** Aight

**Bucky:** 3

**Bucky:** 2

**Bucky:** 1

**Bucky:** RUN FOREST RUN

**Clint:** MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY

**Sam:** RED SHELL RED SHELL RED SHELL

**Sam:** FUCK! IT GAVE ME A RAINCLOUD!

**Clint:** HAHA LOSER

**Clint:** OH SHIT

**Clint:** OKAY WHO TF PUT THIS ON SOLO RACE

**Sam:** 😏🙃

**Bucky:** sjgfj

**Bucky:** He was in first, then got a blue shell and blew himself up

**Clint:** OH SURE BONKY, RUB IT IN WHY DON’T YOU

**Sam:** AHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAA 

**Sam:** I'M IN FIRST NOW

**Clint:** FUCK YOU SAM

**Clint:** HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SHOVE ME OFF THE EDGE

**Sam:** IM GAY, IT GIVES ME RIGHT OF WAY ON THIS TRACK

**Bucky:** m o v e i m g a y

**Bucky:** _w h e e z e_

**Clint:** VROOM VROOM GOTTA ZOOM

**Clint:** HAHA SHORTCUT

**Sam:** What?

**Bucky:** LMAO 

**Steve:** He’s gonna try to jump across the infinity loops

**Bucky:** YOU’RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT

**Sam:** OH SHIT HE MADE IT

**Clint:** SQWAK YEAH MOTHERSQWAKERS

**Sam:** CAW CAW I’M COMING FOR YOU

**Clint:** YOU’LL NEVER CATCH ME

**Clint:** I'M ON LAP THREE FUCKER

**Sam:** _plays mission impossible theme_

**Sam:** HIPPITY HOPPITY YOUR PLACEMENT IS NOW MY PROPERTY

**Clint:** NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

**Sam:** HAHA

**Clint:** HOW

**Clint:** NO

**Clint:** SAM I WILL SQUASH YOU FOR THIS

**Steve:** Oh! Sam comes in at the last second and passes Clint, taking the title of Champion for this round

**Clint:** I refuse to accept this!

**Sam:** SUCK IT BIRD BRAIN

**Clint:** I DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE TO TO THIS SAM

**Steve:** Oh no

**Bucky:** Oh shit

**Clint:** BUT YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE

_ Clint invited Nebula _

_ Nebula joined the server _

**Steve:** O h n o

**Bucky:** O h s h i t

**Nebula:** O h y e s 

**Nebula:** You summoned me Bird-man?

**Clint:** I need you to help me kick Sam’s ass in Mario Kart

**Nebula:** Sounds easy enough

**Sam:** Someone’s overconfident

**Nebula:** And someone’s about to get their ass beat

**Bucky:** Alright

**Bucky:** Before anymore torch fights break out

**Bucky:** Let the games 

**Steve:** BEGIN

**Nebula:** VROOM VROOM BITCHES

**Bucky:** Holy fuck, she’s actually really good at this

**Clint:** NEBULA WTF

**Clint:** YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HARASSING SAM SO THAT I CAN WIN

**Nebula:** Lmao, you thought I would just let you win?

**Nebula:** Fuck no

**Clint:** WILSON 

**Sam:** WHAT

**Clint:** JUST THIS ONCE, I AM WILLING TO PUT ASIDE OUR RIVALRY FOR THE SAKE OF THIS GAME

**Sam:** I ACCEPT YOUR CEASE FIRE

**Clint:** PREPARE TO BE TORCHED

**Steve:** Dear God no

**Clint:** HAHHHAHAHHAAH DIE MOTHER SQWAKER DIE

**Nebula:** YOU HAVE NOTHING ON ME BIRD BRAIN

**Steve:** I don’t think this behavior is considered healthy

**Bucky:** I’ve learned it’s better to not get involved and just let them beat the adrenaline out of each other

**Steve:** That’s a horrible idea

**Bucky:** Yeah, but it’s funny to watch tho

**Steve:** …..

**Steve:** You’ve been hanging out with Carol again, haven't you?

**Bucky:** …...

**Bucky:** Yes

**Nebula:** YOU SHALL NOT DEFEAT ME

**Clint:** GET THE BLOWTORCHES SAM

**Clint:** WE BURNING SOME BITCHES UP IN THIS HOUSE

**Sam:** CAW CAW

_ Tony joined the server _

**Tony:** Steve, why is the couch on fire?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright. Not sure what tf that even was, but I'm kind of living for it. I feel like this story is where my background in sailing really comes out XD. Anyway, You know the drill :) Feel free to leave comments, requests, and I'll see you in the next chapter!! 
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	4. Something Wicked This Way Comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Stellophia who requested this one
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Peter created a Server _

_ Peter named the Server: **Something Lurks** _

_ Peter invited Everyone _

**Peter:** _WHEN THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE_

**Shuri:** _IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD_

**Peter:** _WHO YOU GONNA CALL?_

**Tony:** 😏

**Strange:** Don’t you fucking dare.

**Tony:** Lmao, you’re still on speed dial.

**Strange:** Please hold while I locate my stupid bitch repellent.

**Steve:** Peter what did you do?

**T’Challa:** I think the correct question to ask is what _didn’t_ he do.

**Nat:** 👀

**Shuri:** In our defense, we tried to stop them.

**Peter:** But their advances were too great.

**Nebula:** _grabs knives_

**Nebula:** WHO HURT YOU?!

**Loki:** I’m about to hurt _you_ if you don’t return my knives to me.

**Nebula:** I’m not afraid of you, Lackey.

**Loki:** You’re insufferable.

**Wanda:** Lol 

**Wanda:** We stan a Nebula-Loki friendship . 

**Carol:** I’m living for it.

**Scott:** ^^

**Nat:** It's always amusing watching Loki get his ass handed to him. 

**Hope:** ^^

**Loki:** 😒😒😒

**Peter:** I’m afraid that this is an enemy too great, even for you.

**Nebula:** Try me.

**Shuri:** _t h e y h a v e a r r i v e d_

_ Muffin joined the Server _

_ Cosmo joined the Server _

_ Sasha joined the Server _

_ Ansel Joined the Server _

_ Trilla joined the Server _

_ Harald joined the Server _

**Strange:** What-

**Muffin:** _Silence slave._

**Strange:** Excuse you?

**Tony:** How tf did they get in here again?

**Ansel:** _Foolish human._

**Ansel:** _Did you not think we cats would be able to master the art of sliding into the DMs?_

**Hope:** That’s not—

**Hope:** You know what, never mind.

**Loki:** Please tell me my son did not just say what I think he said.

**Loki:** I raised you better than this.

**Muffin:** _The time has come for our fated return._

**Tony:** Peter, I thought you said you threw that sentient-shit away?

**Peter:** 👀👉👈

**Cosmo:** _As your Gods and Saviors, we demand a sacrifice._

**Trilla:** _Or you shall be thoroughly judged._

**Clint:** You’re dreaming if you think I will bow down to a measly cat.

**Muffin:** _….._

**Muffin:** _YOU DARE INSULT ME?!_

**Clint:** YOU DARE COME INTO MY BIRDS NEST WITH YOUR BUSHY ASS TAIL AND DEMAND A SACRIFICE?!

**Muffin:** **_inhales_**

**Carol:** Oh shit.

**Nat:** Oh no.

**Loki:** O h y e s

**Muffin:** _**YOU DARE SPEAK SUCH UTTER FILTH TO A GOD? YOU, WHO IS BUT A FEATHER BRAINED, VENT DWELLING, OVERSIZED CHILD**_

**Wanda:** Oof, Sis went off.

**Nat:** She ain’t wrong tho.

**Carol:** LMAOOOO

**Clint:** SQWAK

**Hope:** Gd, who knew cats could be so savage?

**Peter:** They are the most savage creatures to walk the earth.

**Shuri:** If the earth was flat, they would have pushed us off the edge already.

**Strange:** Well, This is a disaster. At this rate, I’m going to run out of Stupid Bitch Repellent.

**Nat:** For the cats or for Clint?

**Strange:** Both.

**Ansel:** _Careful Strange-Man._

**Ansel:** _I will come for your ass first._

**Tony:** I—

**Tony:** Loki, your cat can stay.

**Strange:** I swear to god, I hate this fucking family!

**Cosmo:** _Get the blow torches and the horse trailer._

**Cosmo:** _Our brethren have been insulted._

**Bruce:** Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me that cats, fuckin’ _cats_ can use _blowtorches?_

**Harald:** _Yes, green bean man._

**Harald:** _How could we be the dominant species if we did not know how to utilize blowtorches?_

**Hope:** Mom, come get me. I’m scared.

**Nat:** I can’t decide what’s more terrifying: Cats, or 2020.

**Carol:** Ya know, I used to think nothing could be as terrifying as 2020.

**Carol:** But now I’m not so sure.

**Wanda:** Y’all what if cats invented the coronavirus as a way to wipe out humans?

**Steve:** Oh Damn.

**Muffin:**

**Cosmo:**

**Harald:**

**Ansel:**

**Sasha:**

**Trilla:**

**Sasha:** _Shit, we’ve been found out._

**Muffin:** _How did they know? Humans aren’t supposed to be intellectual creatures._

**Tony:** I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just hear you say that.

**Loki:** My sons.

**Loki:** I’m so proud.

**Strange:** Loki,

**Strange:** They’ve just admitted to creating population control.

**Loki:** I know.

**Loki:** Isn’t it beautiful?

**Strange:** I’m sincerely hoping that this entire encounter is all just a fever dream.

**Strange:** I’m going to count to three an you will all be gone.

**Strange:**

**Strange:** Damn.

**T’Challa:** As the overlord of cats, I do not approve of this behavior.

**Vision:** Excuse me,

**Vision:** But _I_ am the overlord of cats.

**Loki:** You both may be excused, for as long as there is life in my body, _I_ shall reign as the overlord of cats.

**Bucky:**

**Bucky:** Y’all have got problems.

**Sam:** lmao

**Sam:** We are raptors tho.

**Sam:** Superior to cats.

**Sam:** I eat cats for breakfast.

**Bucky:** No? You don’t?

**Sam:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Muffin:** _You are nothing compared to me Birdman._

**Sam:** You want a bet on that?

**Muffin:** _Bring it._

**Muffin:** _You have no idea what’s coming._

**Sam:** Please, you’re a fluffy adorable kitten. I think I’ll be just fine.

**Muffin:** _Very well. It's your funeral._

**Muffin:** _Sasha!_

**Sasha:** _Reporting for duty._

**Muffin:** _Summon the sentient cat army._

**Steve:** The what?

**Strange:** Please tell me that I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.

**Shuri:** s e n t i e n t c a t a r m y

**Peter:** _t h i s i s a n a v e n g e r s l e v e l t h r e a t_

**Loki:** Fucking hell.

**Loki:** So you’re telling me, that Thanos gave me a shit army of space dogs, when there’s been a cat army this whole time?

**Loki:** Unbelievable. 

**Thor:** Brother, I don’t think an army of sentient cats is something to be celebrating.

**Loki:** Of course it is.

**Loki:** I shall join their ranks.

**Ansel:** _KNEEEEEL_

**Loki:** _sniffs_

**Loki:** A cat after my own heart.

**Peter:** Okay, now I’m really terrified.

**Muffin:** _They have come forth._

**Steve:**

**Steve:** This is the fight of our lives. 

**Steve:** But we’re going to win.

**Steve:** Whatever it—

**Carol:** STEVE STOP QUOTING ENDGAME, IT WAS A SHIT MOVIE!!!

**Strange:** Are we seriously going to do battle with a bunch of kittens?

**Tony:** Oh shit they have lasers. 

**Strange:**

**Strange:** Peter,

**Peter:** Yes?

**Strange:** If we die,

**Strange:** I blame you.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That was a train wreck. Any way, you know the drill, I'll see you the next one!


	5. The Misadventures of Peter and Friends: Walmart Edition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with the Walmart Chapters :)
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W
> 
> (Also, Quick Note: I'm thinking of maybe doing a character ask chapter and stage it like a discord talk show. So if y'all got questions for the characters, leave 'em in the comments, it doesn't matter how many, just make sure to let me know which character it's for. Idk, I thought it would be fun to do, I've seen others do it before and decided to jump on the bandwagon. I think we could get some pretty good chaos out of it. Maybe even make it a "breaking the fourth wall" kind of thing XD)

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter named the Server: **You haven’t lived and I’m mad about it** _

_Peter invited Hela, Doom, Red Skull, Dormammu, Ultron, Thanos, Ronan, Shuri_

  
  


**Peter:** _clears throat_

 **Peter:** SO

 **Peter:** It has come to my attention that the lot of you—Shuri excluded—have yet to experience a Walmart

 **Shuri:** _G A S P_

 **Thanos:** I’ve never even heard of Walmart

 **Thanos:** What is it?

 **Ronan:** Is it like pizza?

 **Ronan:** Should I add it to my list of things to farm?

 **Shuri:** w a l m a r t f a r m

 **Peter:** Yes

 **Doom:** What does a Walmart do?

 **Red Skull:** Is it a weapon?

 **Hela:** Yes, can I use it to kill people?

 **Shuri:** I mean…

 **Shuri:** Stark uses it to watch _The Bachelor_ , and that kills brain cells, so maybe

 **Hela:** Then I should like to see this Walmart

 **Peter:** Hell yes

 **Shuri:** Just one problem tho

 **Peter:** Which is?

 **Shuri:** Peter, we’re banned form like every Walmart within a fifty mile radius of us

 **Peter:** Technically the Avengers are. We’re not Avengers 

**Peter:** We’re off-brand

 **Shuri:** Fair point

 **Shuri:** But that still doesn’t help as to how we’re going to sneak past everyone.

 **Dormammu:** Fear not

 **Dormammu:** Strange isn’t the only one with cool portal powers.

 **Red Skull:** We shall go to this Walmart and spread our terror

 **Peter:** Y E S

 **Peter:** But also to get coloring books

 **Hela:** Of course. 

**Hela:** You’ve got to put the priorities first.

 **Peter:** We can get hats for Baby Yoda too

 **Shuri:** Y E S

 **Thanos:** Who is Baby Yoda?

 **Shuri:** Peter’s alpaca

 **Shuri:** He ordered it off Craig’s List

 **Thanos:** Peter

 **Thanos:** You have an alpaca

 **Thanos:** And you didn’t think to tell us?!

 **Peter:** It was kind of an impulsive 3am decision

 **Thanos:** …

 **Thanos:** You’re forgiven 

**Thanos:** ….This time

 **Shuri:** 👀

 **Ultron:** So are we partaking in this Walmart adventure or no?

 **Shuri:** Oh we so are

 **Dormammu:** Your portal, my chaotic friends 

**Peter: 😈😈😈**

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony named the server: **Where the hell is my kid?** _

_Tony invited Everyone_

**Tony:** Alright, who took the kids

 **Thor:** According to Peter, I believe the correct answer to that question is Karen

 **Strange** : 

**Tony:**

**Loki:**

**Loki:** Brother, you’re an idiot.

 **Tony:** **@Peter** Where are you?

**Nat: @Peter**

**Carol: @Peter**

**Wanda: @Peter**

**Thor: @Peter**

**Scott: @Peter**

**Vision: @Peter**

**T’Challa:** Might I mention that my sister is also missing

 **Strange** : ……

 **Strange:** How close is the nearest Walmart?

 **Tony:** Oh, they didn’t

 **Strange:** I just went forward and checked all possible futures

 **Strange:** I saw 18,834,573

 **Tony:** And in how many did they go to Walmart?

**Strange:**

**Strange:** All of them

 **Tony:** Shit

 **Steve:** Language

 **Strange:** Maybe we can ask them to pick up another parenting manual while he’s there

 **Tony:** Fuck you

 **Peter:** I have been summoned

 **Tony:** Don’t tell me you’re at Walmart

 **Peter:** Okay, I won’t

 **Steve:** Peter, may I ask why you felt the need to go to that God forsaken place?

 **Peter:** Um…

 **Peter:** My friends haven’t ever been to a Walmart before

 **Tony:** Friends? Which friends?

_Peter invited Doom_

_Peter invited Red Skull_

_Peter Invited Hela_

_Peter invited Thanos_

_Peter invited Ronan_

_Peter invited Dormammu_

_Peter invited Ultron_

**Tony:**

**Steve:**

**Loki:**

**Carol:**

**Nebula:** Ew, you hang out with my dad?

 **Wanda:** udgsgbhwuelh

 **Thanos:** God, you execute a few thousand people and suddenly your kids hate you

 **Tony:** Uh, yeah, I can see why.

**Carol: 👀**

**Peter:** We needed more apple juice

 **Shuri:** And coloring books

 **Hela:** And better entertainment

 **Loki:** What?

 **Hela:** What?

 **Nat:** lol

 **Clint:** So are we just going to ignore the fact that Peter and Shuri took a bunch of villains to cause chaos in Walmart

 **Clint:** And DIDN’T FUCKING INVITE US?!

 **Loki:** !!

 **Loki:** AND I’M A FUCKING VILLAIN 

**Loki:** WHY DO I NEVER GET INVITED TO THESE THINGS?!

 **Hela:** BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT COOL ENOUGH TO HANG WITH US

 **Loki:** EXCUSE ME BUT WHICH ONE OF US IS HAS A SENTIENT CAT ARMY?!

 **Hela:** I— 

**Hela:** You know what, fair point

 **Loki:** YES, THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING THOUGHT YOU UNGODLY CACTUS

 **Hela:** WHO ARE YOU CALLING A CACTUS?

 **Vision:** I believe he was addressing you

 **Wanda:** kjszdhfs oml Vis

 **Peter:** We hath arrived

 **Tony:** Strange I need your help

 **Strange:** Oh no, you’re on your own, Coke Can

 **Ronan:** What is this extraordinary place?

 **Shuri:** This

 **Shuri:** _T H I S_

 **Shuri:** Is Walmart

 **Peter:** There is no realm like it in all the realms

 **Nat:** Peter, Walmart is a store, not a realm.

 **Peter:** shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 **Doom:** It's so big

 **Ultron:** AND THEY HAVE MUSIC

 **Ultron:** Hey Ronan, 

**Ultron:** Ya like jazz?

 **Nat:** 👀

 **Hela:** Peter what are these?

 **Peter:** What are what?

 **Hela:** These squishy bears

 **Peter:** Oh, those are gummy bears.

 **Shuri:** g u m m y b e a r s

 **Shuri:** I n e e d

 **Hela:** I love it

 **Hela:** I’m taking all of them

 **Peter:** Loki, I got you gummy snakes

 **Loki:** BLESS

 **Carol:** In this server, we support cannibalism apparently 

**Loki:** ITS NOT CANNIBALISM IF ITS CANDY CARL, FUCK OFF

 **Bucky:** lol

 **Sam:** Someone please tell me we’re live streaming this

 **Tony:** Actually, we’re planning how to thwart it instead

 **Bucky:** No no

 **Bucky:** Let it happen

 **Scott:** Peter, while you’re there can you get sugar for my ants

 **Hope:** I— 

**Tony:** Scott, for Christ’s sake stop bringing bugs into the house

 **Scott:** Hey, they’re just ants, no need to bring the Lord into it.

 **Scott:** Besides, ants are cute

**Steve:**

**Steve:** There are so many things wrong with that statement, I’m not even going to bother.

 **Sam:** Steve is afraid of bugs confirmed

 **Carol:** Noted

 **Steve: @Sam** Fuck you

 **Bucky:** No

 **Bucky:** Hands off

 **Ronan:** THEY HAVE PIZZA?

 **Ronan:** I must ask them what fertilizers they use

 **Wanda:** Please can we tell him?

 **Carol:** No no

 **Carol:** This amuses me

 **Thanos:** THEY OFFER RECYCLABLES TOO?

 **Thanos:** RONAN MAKE A NOTE TO ADD WALMARTS TO EVERY PLANET WE CONQUER 

**Tony:** Oh God

 **Tony:** The Walmart infection is spreading

 **Steve:** Yeah, I don’t think even God can save us now

 **Sam:** Or them

 **Steve:** Y'all need Jesus

 **Wanda:** My question is: How have they not been kicked out yet?

 **Doom:** Because, unlike you, we actually follow the rules

 **Wanda:** I—

 **Bucky:** I’m telling you, Peter has some sort of unidentified domestication abilities

 **Red Skull:** Guys I found more cloaks to add to my cloak collection

 **Loki:** You have a _cloak_ collection?

 **Doom:** All villains have a cloak collection, Loki

 **Hela:** Yes, get with the program, brother

 **Loki:** I don’t need a cloak, I have antlers

 **Hela:** So do I, but I still have a cloak collection

 **Dormammu:** Hence why she’s the cooler sibling

 **Loki:** Peter, I’m going to need a cloak as well

 **Dormammu:** I have found something consumable

 **Shuri:** What?

 **Dormammu:** It seems to be called Red Bull

 **Peter:** NO DORMAMMU DON’T DRINK THAT

**Dormammu:**

**Dormammu:** …

 **Dormammu:** !!!

 **Peter:** Oh shit

 **Shuri:** Oh no

 **Strange:** Peter, what have you done

 **Dormammu:** I feel...

 **Dormammu:** DILFGHJBBIBIFGISJKNNBIDGISJGIDJGIJTOSDJGD

 **Shuri:** Lol, how it feels to chew 5gum^^^

 **Dormammu:** SCREW COLLECTING WORLDS

 **Dormammu:** I SHALL COLLECT WALMARTS INSTEAD

 **Dormammu** : I FEEL THE NEED FOR SPEED

 **Peter:** Shit

 **Strange:** What did he do?

 **Peter:** Took off in a shopping cart

 **Strange:** ….

 **Peter:** Well

 **Peter:** If you can’t beat ‘em...

 **Shuri:** Join ‘em

 **Peter:** LETS GOOOOOOO

 **Shuri:** WHEEEEEEE

 **Hela:** YOU WILL NOT OUTRACE ME! I WILL DEFEAT THE LOT OF YOU AND THEN CONQUER THIS WALMART FOR MYSELF

 **Hela:** ARMED WITH A WALMART AND GUMMY BEARS I SHALL BE UNSTOPPABLE IN MY CONQUESTS

 **Clint:** Why do I always miss out on the fun stuff

 **Steve:** I don’t know if I could categorize what's about to go down as “fun”

 **Clint:** Steve

 **Clint:** Its basically Mario Kart Go

 **Clint:** How could it _not_ be fun?

 **Tony:** Peter, why have I just received a call that there has been disturbance of shopping carts in my Walmart

**Strange:**

**Strange:** FRIDAY, order another parenting manual

 **Strange:** I’m assuming Stark burnt the last one

 **Tony:** Assumptions make an ass out of you and me

 **Strange:** No, I’m pretty sure it's just you

 **Nat:** Okay, but Tony's ass aside, but who’s gonna go get him?

 **Tony:**

**Steve:**

**Strange:** No

**Bruce:**

**Carol:**

**Strange:**

**Strange:** Fuck you 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! As always, leave comments, requests, favorite moments, whatever you want, but also CHARACTER QUESTIONS PLS and I'll see y'all in the next one!


	6. I Honestly Don't Even Know Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words for this  
> I have no clue what this is  
> My brain was sincerely on crack today  
> This is why we can't have nice things
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Clint Created a server_

_Clint Named the Server: **I need entertainment** _

_Clint invited Everyone_

**Clint:** SQWAK

 **Clint:** THE GOD OF PIZZA DEMANDS YOUR UNDIVIDED ATTENTION

 **Loki:** _you dare interrupt my 5sos?_

 **Clint:** ….

 **Clint:** Yes

 **Loki:** _then you have chosen death_

 **Peter:** Rip Clint

 **Shuri:** _Here lies Clint, brutally murdered by Loki for interrupting his jams_

 **Clint:** I’m a raptor, I’m not afraid of you

 **Clint:** I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE

 **Loki:** I HAVE THE POWER OF THE GAYS AND SENTIENT CATS ON MY SIDE

 **Wanda:** Oh damn

 **Wanda:** He went there

 **Wanda:** Clint you better run

 **Nebula:** The gays are all powerful

 **Peter:** ^^^

 **Sam:** ^^^

 **Bucky:** ^^^

 **Shuri:** ^^^

 **Clint:** SILENCE PEASANTS

 **Loki:** Yes Clint, please. Kindly shut up

 **Nebula:** Yes, we’re trying to jam here

 **Tony:** Clint how many fucking times have i told you to stop screeching in the air vents

 **Nat:** Is that why I have a killer headache?

 **Sam:** Yes

 **Bucky:** He for some reason feels the need to assert his authority in the fucking air vents at FUCKING 4AM

 **Bucky:** AND WHO THE FUCK IS BLASTING ONE DIRECTION?!

**Loki:**

**Nebula:**

**Peter:**

**Shuri:**

**Sam:** Ten bucks says its Loki

 **Steve:** Oh it's definitely Loki

 **Tony:** My money’s on strange

 **Strange:** We’re not even in the same building?

 **Tony:** I don’t care

 **Tony:** It sounds like something you would do at 4am

 **Clint:** SQWAK

 **Clint:** AS THE GOD OF PIZZA AND DINOSAURS I DEMAND THAT YOU ENTERTAIN ME

 **Nat:** CLINT I WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP IS WHAT I WANT TO DO

 **Clint:** TO BAD

 **Clint:** GET DUNKED ON DIPSHITS

 **Nat:** CLINT YOU FUCKING BITCH

 **Sam:** Oh shit, what did he do?

 **Nat:** HE SHOT ME WITH A NERF GUN

 **Nat:** ALRIGHT FUCKER

 **Nat:** YOU ASKED FOR IT

 **Nat:** IT'S ABOUT TO RAIN HELLFIRE

 **Peter:** yOu’Ve aNgeReD nAtAsHa

 **Clint:** _it’s nerf or nothing_

 **Wanda:** Carol I need your hands

 **Wanda:** It’s time to make some popcorn 

**Sam:** Tony please tell me you’re live streaming this

 **Sam:** Because Natasha chasing Clint around the communal room with a banana to What Makes You Beautiful is fucking b e a u t i f u l

 **Tony:** _activate clint cam_

 **Strange:** I’m convinced that Tony is a professional stalker or something, because the fuck is up with all these cameras

 **Wanda:** sjhjhf 

**Carol:** lmao Loki’s blasting it on full volume now

 **Peter:** …..

 **Shuri:** …..

 **Loki:** …..

 **Strange:** Oh no

 **Strange:** Oh no no no

 **Strange:** No don’t you fucking dare

 **Peter:** _inhales_

 **Peter:** _BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE_

 **Shuri:** _THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED_

 **Loki:** _THE WAY YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN’T HARD TO TELL_

 **Strange:** Oh god 

**Strange:** _make it stop_

 **Loki:** _YOU DON’T KNOW OH OH_

 **Loki:** _YOU DON’T KNOW YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL_

 **Wanda:** Damn

 **Wanda:** Who knew that Loki had vocals

 **Loki:** _dramatic bow_

 **Steve:** Did anyone else hear a loud crashing noise?

 **Steve:** And why is the fire alarm going off?

**Sam:**

**Bucky:**

**Steve:** !!!!

 **Steve:** CLINT GO PUT THAT MOTORCYCLE BACK

 **Clint:** HAHA NEVER

 **Clint:** YOU CAN’T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING

 **Clint:** ZOOM ZOOM BITCHES

 **Clint:** I’VE GOT A NERF CROSSBOW AND A PACK OF REDBULL

 **Clint:** I’M UNSTOPPABLE

 **Nat:** _not for long you big bird bitch_

 **Steve:** WHY THE FUCK IS EVERYONE BRINGING MOTORCYCLES INTO THE HOUSE

 **Steve:** NATASHA NO

 **Wanda:** Natasha Yes

 **Vision:** Why is it that you always encourage them?

 **Wanda:** _w o r l d d o m i n a t i o n_

 **Vision:** I’m concerned 

**Tony:** Alright does anyone want to explain why Nat and Clint are riding motorcycles through the kitchen?

 **Tony:** Thor you hid your pop tarts right?

 **Thor:** Yes

 **Tony:** Then that only means one thing

 **Tony:** Clint is on crack

 **Carol:** No I’m pretty sure that’s the work of a half pack of red bull

 **Carol:** and a nutella sandwich

 **Carol:** _its nutella or nothing_

 **Clint:** _i t s n e r f o r n o t h i n g_

 **Bruce:** No, no

 **Bruce:** I’m pretty sure this is Clint on Crack

 **Nebula:** shhh Loki, don’t let the kids find the drugs

 **Peter:** d r u g s

 **Clint:** FUCK SHE’S CATCHING UP

 **Clint:** TO THE VENTS

 **Nat:** CLINT YOU CAN’T RIDE A MOTORCYCLE INTO THE AIR VENTS

 **Clint:** NO, BUT I CAN FUCKIN TRY

 **Sam:** I have a feeling that this will end in an explosion

 **Bucky:** You Carol, you done making that popcorn yet?

 **Nebula:** Ya know, I don’t mind that our jam session was interrupted anymore

 **Nebula:** This is better entertainment than 5sos

 **Loki:** _you fuckin take that back_

 **Nebula:** I-

 **Loki:** _I swear to all the gods you robotic heathen I will call upon my cat armies to destroy you_

 **Nebula:** Okay, okay, I take it back

 **Loki:** Glad to hear you’ve come to see reason

 **Sam:** you may have a cat army, Loki

 **Sam:** But I have a duck army

 **Bucky:** He is the true master of the duck ways

 **Bucky:** The way of the ducks

 **Carol:** Aka He runs a duck cult

 **Peter:** I want to be part of the duck cult 

**Shuri:** Me too

 **T’Challa:** Sister, you’re already apart of enough cults

 **Shuri:** You can never be in too many cults

 **Clint:** YEEHAW

**Nat:**

**Wanda:**

**Loki:**

**Thor:**

**Carol:** Did-

 **Tony:** Did he just-

 **Nat:** Mmhm

 **Sam:** He just flat out missed and went through the fuckin window oml

 **Strange:** Well are any of you going to check that he’s okay

 **Nat:** Nah

 **Nat:** He’s Clint running on half a pack of red bulls

 **Nat:** I’m sure he’s fine

 **Clint:** WHOOOOO LETS FUCKIN DO THAT AGAIN

 **Nat:** Told you

 **Strange:** I will never understand you people

 **Strange:** For as long as I live you will all remain a mystery to me

 **Bucky:** I'm right there with you man

 **Bucky:** AND LOKI TURN THE FUCKIN MUSIC OFF

 **Loki:** NEVER

 **Bucky:** I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BREAK YOUR SPEAKERS MYSELF

 **Loki:** _Then perish_

 **Loki:** _leave me and my husbands in peace_

**Steve:**

**Tony:**

**Strange:**

**Nebula:** It’s like Shuri said

 **Nebula:** You can never be in too many cults

 **Steve:** Does that count as a cult though?

 **Nebula:** Oh, if they’re married to Loki it definitely does

 **Nebula:** He screams big cult energy

 **Nebula:** He has a cat army for fucks sake. 

**Peter:** wait

 **Peter:** wait wait wait

 **Peter:** If Loki has a cat army

 **Peter:** And Loki is married to 5sos

 **Peter:** Does that mean that 5sos also has a cat army?

 **Nat:** I-

 **Loki:** _y e s_

 **Strange:** Fuck this

 **Strange:** I need sleep

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight. I got no words for whatever the hell that was. Y'all know the drill :) Feel free to leave comments, requests, whatever you please!  
> See y'all in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie


	7. Gummy Bears Are Where Its At

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These just keep getting more and more chaotic. I have no clue what I'm doing anymore.  
> *Shoves chapter into your faces*
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol Created a Server_

_Carol named the Server: **Tea Time**_

_Carol invited Nat, Wanda, Nebula, Hela, Hope, Okoye, Peter, Shuri_

**Carol:** It’s a beautiful day to spill some tea

 **Wanda:** _obnoxious sipping noises_

 **Gamora:** _throws kettle_

 **Nebula:** Okay, Gamora, ya dumbass, you didn’t actually have to throw the damn kettle

 **Nat:** Oop-

 **Carol:** I approve

 **Shuri:** w h a t s t h e t e a?

 **Hela:** Why drink tea when you can drink 1000 year old ale?

 **Carol:** I-

 **Carol:** You know what? Good point

 **Nat:** _throws whiskey out the window_

 **Carol:** ANYWAY

 **Carol:** Now that we are all assembled

**Carol:** _sips hard cider_

**Carol:** It's time to discuss our plans of world domination 

**Wanda:** My tea has been sipped, my wig is in place, and I have my cat

 **Wanda:** LETS FUCKIN GOOOO

 **Hela:** You know 

**Hela:** I have some experience in world domination 

**Hela:** If I may offer a word of advice, You’re going to need an army

 **Nat:** We can take over Sam’s duck army

 **Wanda:** Or steal Loki’s cat army

 **Nebula:** Or his boyband army

 **Carol:** sjhgjdfhg

 **Nat:** I thought that was more of a cult

 **Wanda:** Oh no, it’s definitely an army

 **Hela:** Why does my brother have so many armies?

 **Peter:** You know what we need?

 **Shuri:** Speak brother

 **Peter:** We need a unicorn army

 **Shuri:** y e s

 **Nebula:** Unicorns aren’t real Peter

 **Nat:** HUSH

 **Nat:** DON’T RUIN THE YOUNG CHILD’S DREAMS

 **Shuri:** Unicorns are 100 percent real

 **Gamora:** Okay but where are we supposed to find a unicorn?

 **Gamora:** Or an army of unicorns for that matter?

 **Carol:** …..

 **Carol:** I know a guy

_Carol invited Valkyrie_

**Valkyrie:** I’m here, I’m queer, and I come bearing unicorns

 **Hela:** Oh god

 **Hela:** Not you

 **Valkyrie:** You thought you saw the last of me

 **Valkyrie:** PSYCH BINCH YOU BE W R O N G

 **Carol:** We’ve come to seek your assistance in garnering an army of unicorns

 **Valkyrie:** As god of all gays, I can do that

 **Hela:** When I said you needed an army, This was not what I meant

 **Shuri:** P e t e r

 **Peter:** S h u r i

 **Shuri:** I just got the most cursed idea

 **Peter:** What is it

 **Shuri:** Remember that sentient potion we made?

 **Nat:** I don’t like where this is going

 **Nebula:** I like where this is going

 **Peter:** y e s

 **Shuri:** s e n t i e n t g u m m y b e a r s

 **Nat:** EYE-

**Carol:**

**Hope:**

**Gamora:**

**Hela:** Now _that’s_ an army

**Valkyrie:**

**Valkyrie:** Let’s fuckin do it

 **Shuri:** Imagine 

**Okoye:** Um, I don’t think I want to

 **Shuri:** With an army of Magical unicorns and sentient gummy bears, we would be unstoppable

 **Valkyrie:** I can supply you with the unicorns

 **Carol:** D O I T

 **Peter:** heheheheheheheeeee

 **Peter:** Shuri and I will create the gummy bear army

 **Peter:** And I shall enlist the help of Loki too

 **Nat:** Dear god

 **Nat:** This is truly going to be the demise of the universe

* * *

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony named the server: **This can’t be good**_

_Tony invited Everyone_

**Tony:** _She’s Kind of Hot_ is blasting from Peter’s lab

 **Tony:** And both Loki and Peter are missing

 **Tony:** This can't be good

**Clint: _T H I S I S A N A V E N G E R S L E V E L T H R E A T_**

**Loki:** You foolish mortals have no clue what's coming

 **Peter:** hehehehe

 **Shuri:** hehehehhe

 **Bucky:** I’ll go find out

 **Nat:** Commence operation keep Bucky out of the lab 

**Wanda:** Reporting for duty

 **Carol:** ^^^

 **Strange** : I should have known you three were in on it

 **Tony:** Oh God

 **Tony:** Please don’t tell me that this is another one of your Space Girl ploys

 **Shuri:** 😈

 **T’Challa:** Sister, what are you doing?

 **Shuri:** g o d s w o r k

 **Bruce:** He’s locked me out of the labs but skjfhgkdfjhgdjlfhglkdfjgkldjsfksjvjldhgksjkfvlksdh

Tony: WHAT?

 **Sam:** WHAT HAPPENED?

 **Bucky:** WHAT DID YOU SEE?

 **Thor:** Are you alright Banner?

 **Bruce:** PETER

 **Bruce:** WOULD YOU LIKE TO EXPLAIN WHY THERE IS A HERD OF UNICORNS, GIANT WALKING GUMMY BEARS, AND A FUCKING PUNK ROCK BAND IN YOUR FUCKING LAB?

 **Tony:** THE FUCK

 **Clint:** HELL FUCKIN YEAH

 **Tony:** PETER NO

 **Peter:** P E T E R Y E S

 **Loki:** _5sos **intensifies**_

_Loki invited 5sos_

**Ashton:** I'm c o n c e r n e d

 **Luke:** ^^^

 **Calum:** I did not agree to any of this

 **Michael:** Oh hush, its world domination, it'll be fun

 **Michael:** Besides, who wouldn't want an army of sentient gummy bears?

 **Luke:** _mom come pick me up I'm scared_

 **Loki:** We have created the ultimate ploy to take over the world

 **Loki:** Nothing can stand in my way this time

 **Peter:** *our 

**Loki:** Yes, Yes, whatever

 **Hope:** I knew this was a horrible Idea

 **Loki:** WITH A COMBINED ARMY OF UNICORNS, CATS, GUMMY BEARS, AND BOYBANDS, WE ARE UNSTOPPABLE

 **Wanda:** See, I told you he had a boyband army

 **Scott:** I’m actually terrified

 **T’Challa:** Sister, what have you created

 **Tony:** W H A T H A V E Y O U D O N E

 **Strange:** Alright, that’s it

 **Strange:** I’m disowning all of you

 **Peter:** WHHHHYYYYYYY WON’T YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **Strange:** Why? WHY?

 **Strange:** I’LL TELL YOU WHY

 **Strange:** SOMETIMES YOU’VE GOT TO LOOK DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY “WHAT AM I WILLING TO PUT UP WITH TODAY?!”

 **Strange:** _NOT FUCKIN THIS!!!_

 **Tony:** kjdfgdjh We broke Strange

 **Nat:** _but this is a strange level threat_

 **Strange:** NOT ANYMORE

_Strange has left the server_

**Tony:** Oh damn

 **Tony:** He went there

 **Steve:** Suit up boys

 **Sam:** It's time to kick some gelatin ass

**Angie:** _TO BE CONTINUED_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUN. WHO WILL WIN?  
> (IM SORRY I STILL DON'T KNOW WTF THIS IS)  
> Anyway, you know the drill! Comments, Requests (Or concerns lol) and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	8. Sentient Gummy Bears Are Where It's At Pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2  
> Someone please explain my brain to me
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

**Angie:** _Previously on, The Avenger’s Definitely Not PG Discord Servers…_

 **Angie:** Loki, Peter, and Shuri have suc—

 **Loki:** We created an army of unicorns, sentient gummy bears, and 5sos

 **Loki:** It was glorious

 **Angie:** Excuse you.

 **Loki:** You were taking too long

 **Loki:** They’ve already read the fuckin chapter, they don’t need a play by play

 **Angie:** AS I WAS SAYING

 **Angie:** Loki, Peter, and Shuri successfully—

 **Loki:** Chased off Strange with our antics and now the foolish mortals are going to try and stop us

 **Loki:** They will fail

 **Angie:** LOKI YOU BITCH

 **Loki:** I’m impatient

 **Loki:** Now roll the fucking receipts 

* * *

**_Continued in the same server_ **

**Tony:** We’ve lost a loyal comrade today friends

 **Sam:** Rip Strange

 **Bruce:** He will be missed

 **Steve:** This is no time to grieve boys

 **Steve:** It’s time for the most awkward battle of our lives.

 **Wanda:** The Avengers vs Sentient Gummy Bears

 **Wanda:** This will undoubtedly be an internet sensation

 **Nat:** _w o r l d s t a r s_

 **Loki:** Foolish mortals

 **Michael:** He’s got an army of sentient gummy bears, I don’t know how you think you’re going to defeat that

 **Steve:** _Together_

 **Steve:** _Whatever it takes_

 **Nat:** Steve ya dumb bitch, how many times do we have to tell you to stop quoting Endgame?

 **Sam:** IT WAS A SHIT MOVIE

 **Luke:** Idk I thought it was pretty good

 **Sam:** Hence why you’re on the losing team

 **Ashton:** Hey, don’t be mean to the child. He doesn’t know any better

 **Nat:** sjhdjfhg we have a new addition to the kiddie room

 **Luke:** I’m 24?

 **Nat:** And Clint is in his 30’s, age means nothing here

 **Peter:** We are the children of chaos

 **Shuri:** Join us. 

**Shuri:** We have gummy bears

 **Peter:** _ONE OF US_

 **Shuri:** _ONE OF US_

 **Clint:** _ONE OF US_

 **Loki:** _ONE OF US_

 **Bucky:** Sam

 **Bucky:** I think we’re going to need the duck army for this one

 **Sam:** I think you may be right

_Loki invited Harald_

_Loki invited Ansel_

**Ansel:** _Father_

 **Harald:** _We have come_

 **Loki:** MY SONS

 **Loki:** THE MORTALS OPPOSE US

 **Ansel:** _So_

 **Ansel:** _They have chosen death_

 **Ashton:** And this is why I have a lemon tree instead of a cat

 **Ansel:** _You dare insult our kind?_

 **Calum:** Ya know

 **Calum:** I’m starting to understand why the wizard guy left

 **Steve:** AVENGERS

 **Steve:** _**ASSEMBLE**_

 **Clint:** _blasts avengers kazoo theme on full volume_

 **Sam:** _wields blow torches_

 **Sam:** _dramatically puts on sunglasses_

 **Loki:** PETER

 **Loki:** READY YOUR DOMESTICATION POWERS

 **Hope:** How-

 **Hope:** How did this day get so out of hand?

 **Calum:** You and me both

 **Calum:** One minute you’re walking your dog, and the next you get conjured into a lab full of fucking unicorns

 **Loki:** ONWARD MY COMRADES

 **Peter:** Oh shit he’s actually serious?

 **Loki:** Did you think I wasn’t?

 **Thor:** Brother I have a horrible feeling about this 

**Tony:** _Peter look what you’ve done_

 **Peter:** I just wanted a pet unicorn. I didn’t actually think it would result in World War 57 😟👉👈

 **Shuri:** Its okay Peter

 **Shuri:** We can make some popcorn and watch the chaos unfold from the sidelines

 **Luke:** Can I join?

 **Luke:** I don’t feel like being torched today

 **Ashton:** Yes, go play with the children

 **Luke:** I stg I hate this fucking band

 **Peter:** We can start our own band

 **Luke:** I’m in

 **Luke:** Fuck y’all I’m starting a new band

 **Michael:** Luke, how could you leave me here with these insane people?

 **Calum:** If I remember correctly, you were the one that was all for the sentient gummy bears

 **Michael:** Well obviously. I was talking about you two.

 **Luke:** ……

 **Luke:** Fine. You can be in the new band too.

 **Michael:** Does that mean I get popcorn too?👉👈

 **Shuri:** Y e s

 **Calum:** I want popcorn

 **Luke:** Wasn’t the point of forming a new band to be away from you people?😂

 **Ashton:** Not anymore

 **Clint:** HEAR MY SQWAK OF FURY AND QUIVER IN FEAR

 **Loki:** _I fear no mortal_

 **Carol:** _cracks knuckles_

 **Nebula:** _grabs lasers_

 **Wanda:** _summons cats_

 **Nat:** _grabs guns_

 **Nat:** Bring it Cowards

 **Luke:** So is this like a normal thing for you guys?

 **Peter:** Oh yeah. We get into fights just about every Saturday

 **Calum:** I never would have thought that most of the Avenger’s level threats were orchestrated by the avengers themselves.

 **Shuri:** ….

 **Shuri:** That’s like the only accurate thing about those off brand Avengers movies.

 **Peter:** Oh shit, you’re right

 **Steve:** CLINT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BURN THE BEARS NOT FUCKING EAT THEM!

 **Michael:** Why do I kind of feel like that’s some sort of Cannibalism?

 **Calum:** Maybe because they’re sentient?

 **Peter:** Knockoff Cannibalism

 **Michael:** Damn, they’re destroying all the gummy bears

 **Michael:** I kind of wanted one

 **Ashton:** Michael we’re not keeping a fucking sentient gummy bear

 **Michael:** Aww, why not?

 **Ashton:** Do you see what’s going on right now?

 **Michael:** Yeah, but I wouldn’t want to use it for world domination. I’d just want it to be my friend

 **Nat:** CLINT YOU FUCKER

 **Nat:** ACCEPT THIS AS YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR WAKING ME UP AT 4AM

 **Clint:** YOU CAN’T BEAT ME

 **Clint:** BECAUSE REDBULL GIVES ME WINGS

 **Sam:** CLINT NO

 **Bucky:** Aaaaaand, he went through the window again

 **Wanda:** We’ve really got to start hiding that stuff.

 **Hope:** Holy fuck this is really going down hill

 **Nebula:** Well, you know what Brendon Urie says

 **Nebula:** There’s no such thing as getting out of hand

 **Bruce:** No

 **Bruce:** No, no

 **Bruce:** There most definitely is

 **Vision:** And I would have to say that this is most definitely it

 **Sam:** STEVE

 **Sam:** THERE’S TOO MANY OF THEM

 **Sam:** HOW MANY FUCKING BAGS OF GUMMY BEARS DID YOU FUCKERS USE?

 **Loki:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA

 **Loki:** I HAVE SUCCEEDED

 **Clint:** NEVER FEAR

 **Clint:** CLINT IS HERE

 **Tony:** CLINT WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT THING?

 **Nat:** CLINT GO PUT MY MOTORCYCLE BACK

 **Steve:** NATASHA WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE A MOTORCYCLE WITH A FUCKING FLAMETHROWER ATTATCHED TO IT WITHIN CLINT’S REACH

 **Tony:** jfc do I have to baby proof the entire garage too?

 **Clint:** I AM ARMED WITH A MOTORCYCLE, A FLAMETHROWER, A NERF GUN, AND HALF A PACK OF RED BULL

 **Clint:** LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOOOO

 **Steve:** CLINT NO STOP

 **Clint:** WHOOOOOO

 **Sam:** Aight somebody needs to stop Clint from doing wheelie donuts around the lab with a flamethrower before he BURNS THE WHOLE FUCKING PLACE DOWN

 **Loki:** NO

 **Loki:** MY BEAUTIFUL CREATIONS

 **Loki:** YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS YOU BAST-

_Strange Joined the Server_

**Strange:** And, that’s enough of you

 **Peter:** DOCTOR STRANGE

 **Shuri:** THE MAGIC MAN HAS RETURNED

 **Strange:** Yep. You could hear Clint screaming from a mile away

 **Tony:** Well

 **Tony:** I’m glad that’s all settled

 **Peter:** Yes

 **Peter:** Thank you so much for burning down my lab

 **Tony:** Listen, for all the times you’ve burned down my lab, you don’t get to talk

 **Peter:** _Fine_

 **Shuri:** _Was that Sassy Peter I just saw for a moment there?_

 **Peter:** Sassy Peter has been denied

 **Tony:** Peter you are officially grounded and banned from candy

 **Tony:** For good

 **Peter:** 😔😔😔

 **Tony:** …..

 **Tony:** Okay, fine, for _a day_

 **Luke:** Damn, why don’t my puppy faces work on Ash like that?

 **Ashton:** I’m immune 

**Peter:** It’s okay Luke, I’ll teach you my ways

 **Calum:** Please don’t

 **Luke:** 😈

_Pepper has joined the server_

**Pepper:** Why the fuck is my house on fire?

**Peter:**

**Shuri:**

**Sam:**

**Steve:**

**Tony:** _Run._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight, well, that's the end of that endeavor. As always, you know the drill, and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	9. Child Squad Field Trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #moicholdontdisappointus
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter created a server_

_Peter named the server: **Send Pizza**_

_Peter invited: Shuri, MJ, Ned, Harley, Michael, Luke_

**Peter:** I want pizza

**MJ:** You’ve summoned the correct satan

**Michael:** There’s more than one?

**MJ:** _y o uc a nn e v e rh a v et o om a n ys a t a n s_

**Ned:** ^^^

**Shuri:** ^^^

**Peter:** This is why we stan MJ

**Michael:** ....

**Michael:** I can get behind that

**Luke:** Remind me again why I hang out with you?

**Michael:** Marketing purposes

**Ned:** But back to the more important topic

**Ned:** I heard pizza

**Ned:** And I was intrigued 

**Shuri:** PIZZA

**MJ:** GIVE US THE FEAST OF OUR PEOPLE

**Michael:** I want pizza 🥺

**Peter:** _come have pizza with us_

**Michael:** I’ll bring gummy bears too

**Luke:** Mike, Ashton said no gummy bears

**Michael:** ....

**Michael:** Well no one said he had to know about it 

**Harley:** _if I bring apple juice, am I allowed to come too?_

**Peter:** HARLEYYYYY

**Peter:** YESSS

**Peter:** It’ll be a child squad reunion

**Luke:** _i m s t i l l 2 4_

**Michael:** shhhhhh, Luke, there’s pizza at stake

**Luke:** Michael 

**Luke:** It’s 2am

**Michael:** So?

**Michael:** I still want pizza 

**Michael:** And you’re coming with me

**Luke:** Kidnapping is illegal

**Michael:** ~~ Nothing is illegal if you don’t get caught ~~

**Luke:** I-

**MJ:** This one

**MJ:** I like him

**MJ:** I approve of these new recruits

**Luke:** hdjdjjdkfkf MIKE STOP

**Luke:** I’M NOT GOING TO FIT IN YOUR FUCKING SUITCASE

**Michael:** _if there’s a will there’s a way_

**Harley:** jdkdddkd

**Harley:** Peter I have obtained the apple juice 

**Shuri:** Is it space apple juice?

**Harley:** Um

**Harley:** No

**Shuri:** Damn

**Shuri:** Guess we’ll have to pay Ronan a visit then

**Ned:** Y e s

**Luke:** I’m scared to ask what that entails

**MJ:** 😈

**Peter:** _WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET-SHIP_

**Shuri:** _ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY_

**Michael:** _LITTLE EINSTEINS_

**Ned:** _gasp_

**Ned:** He knows the anthem of our people

**Shuri:** NEVER FEAR NEW FREMS

**Shuri:** We have arrived to claim you as our fellow child squad reunion guests

**Luke:** Is that-

**Luke:** Is that a fucking space ship?

**Michael:** Fuck yes

**Shuri:** y e s

**Shuri:** I told you

**Shuri:** We gotta get that good space apple juice

**Luke:** Do you even know how to fly that thing?

**Shuri:**....

**Shuri:** Yeah

**Shuri:** Totally

**Michael:** Luke get in the suitcase

**Luke:** No

**Michael:** Luke get in the suitcase or I’m taking all your boots and hiding them

**Luke:** I-

**Michael:** **_GET IN THE BAG LUKE_**

**Luke:** Okay fine

_Peter invited Ronan_

**Ronan:** I have been summoned

**Peter:** We’re going on a trip in our favorite rocket ship to get some of that good space apple juice

**MJ:** And we come bearing pizza 

**MJ:** And sacrifices 

**Luke:** What?

**MJ:** I mean, new friends 

**Ronan:** You come with pizza

**Ned:** Y e s

**Ronan:** c o m e

_Meanwhile_

_ Tony Created a Server _

_Tony Named the Server: **Spider-Alert**_

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Tony:** Its 2am

**Tony:** My kid is missing

**Clint:** Wasn’t me

**Loki:** Also wasn’t me

**Nat:** SPIDERSON IS MISSING?

**Nat:** WHOMST HAS CAUSED THIS

**Nat:** W H O M S T

**Strange:** Isn’t this the second time this week?

**Tony:** Can you not judge me right now?

**Strange:** Considering that that’s literally the reason for my entire existence? 

**Strange:** No. 

**Tony: @Peter**

**Sam: @Peter**

**Bucky: @Peter**

**Nat: @Peter**

**Peter:** heheheeee

**Carol:** Peter where are you right now?

**Peter:** _I’m at the soup store_

**Shuri:** ^^^

**T’Challa:** And of course you’re there too

_Peter invited MJ_

_Peter invited Ned_

_Peter invited Harley_

_Peter invited Michael_

_Peter invited Luke_

**Loki:** You hijacked my boyband army?

**Peter:** _they are official child squad members now_

**Luke:** _cries in i’m 24 tho_

**Tony:** Oh no

**MJ:** Oh yes

**Tony:** This can’t be good

**Michael:** We’re on an apple farm!

**Strange:** At 2:30am?

**Strange:** With no Adult Supervision?

**Peter:** We have adult supervision 

_Peter invited Ronan_

**Ronan:** I have your children

**Steve:** I-

**Carol:** PETER THAT’S NOT HELPING

**Thor:** I’m sure there’s no need to fret

**Thor:** Young Peter must just be fueling up on apple juice

**Michael:** _s_ _p_ _a c e a p p l e j u i c e_

**Sam:** Oh God, no

**Sam:** That stuff is like crack for them

**Strange:** _Like?_

**Strange:** _I beg your pardon, sir, it **is** crack for them. _

**Peter:** heheheeee

**Bucky:** Wait, wait, wait

**Bucky:** We’re all missing a very important detail

**Bruce:** Which is?

**Bucky:** .....

**Bucky:** Peter, are you in space right now?

**Peter:** .....

**Peter:** Um 

**Peter:** No?

**Tony:**

**Bruce:**

**Steve:**

**Nat:** !!!!

**Scott:** What?

**Clint:** Lmao

_Michael invited Ashton_

_Michael invited Calum_

**Michael:** Guess where I am?

**Ashton:** Istg if you say something stupid like space, I’m going to bust in there and take your gummy bears. Michael, I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!

**Michael:** I am most definitely _not_ in space right now then 

**Luke:** ^^^

**Sam:** Oh no, They most definitely are

**Calum:**

**Ashton:**.....

**Ashton:** MICHAEL WTF ARE YOU DOING IN SPACE AT 3AM?

**Calum:** Or at all really?

**Michael:** Pizza

**Luke:** I was taken against my will

**Michael:** But do you regret it?

**Luke:**

**Luke:** You know what, no. No I do not 

**Calum:** _Ashton, we lost the kids_

**Strange:** So what I’m hearing is that you two need a parenting manual as well

**Carol:** How did you even get there in the first place?

**Michael:** _karen took the kids_

**Ned:** _actually shuri took the kids_

**T’Challa:**

**T’Challa:** Sister, I know you didn’t hijack a space craft for apple juice

**Shuri:** 👀

**Harley:** 😬

**Michael:** I am never leaving this place 

**Michael:** There is pizza that grows on trees

**Michael:** P I Z Z A T R E E S

**Michael:** They are superior to your lemon trees, Ash

**Ashton:** Nothing is superior to lemon trees and that’s a fact

**Carol:** P-Pizza trees?

**Wanda:** Holy Fuck he actually did it 

**Clint:** WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE ME WITH YOU?

**Loki:** AND ME?!

**Peter:** Oops?

**Loki:** ☹️

**Ned:** Peter

**Peter:** Ned

**Ned:** Ronan has ice cream trees too

**Tony:** How that is possible is beyond science 

**Bruce:** I-

**Bruce:** Okay

**Ashton:** No Michael, you’re not staying

**Michael:** _he gave me gummy bears tho_

**Ashton:** _n o_

**Tony:** Carol you gotta assemble the space moms and go get them back

**Carol:** Can’t Strange do it?

**Strange:** I disowned you remember?

**Carol:** _and get you’re still here_

**Bruce:** 👀

**Carol:** Aight then

**Carol:** Suit up boiz 

**Wanda:** 👩‍✈️

**Nat:** 👩‍✈️

**Hope:** 👩‍✈️

**Nebula:** 😎

**Shuri:** Oh damn

**Luke:** _t i m e t o r u n_

**Harley:** shitshitshitshitfuck

**Shuri:** Everyone back to the space-ship!

**Nebula:** You think you can out-fly me?

**Nebula:** Ha

**Nebula:** Perish

**Nat:** Zoom Zoom Bitches 

**Peter:** SHURI GO FASTER

**Shuri:** I’M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN,  GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

**Ned:** HOW’D THEY FIND US SO FAST?!

**Michael:** QUICK, MJ, USE YOIR SATANIC POWERS!

**MJ:** I don’t actually have Satanic powers, that was just for the memes

**Michael:** Damn

**Michael:** I kind of wanted to see that

**Luke:** Me too ngl

**Nebula:** _locked and loaded bois_

**Shuri:** We’re running out of options frems 

**MJ:** I refuse to be taken down by the ancients 

**Ned:** Jdkdkdkdkd

**Michael:** Well, you know

**Luke:** He’s making that face

**Luke:** Mike what are you planning?

**Michael:** Redbull gives you wings 

**Harley:** So what you’re saying is: if we put redbull in the fuel tanks, we’ll outrun them

**Michael:** Precisely 

**MJ:** Lol do it

**Shuri:** #moicholdontdisappointus

**Bruce:** That’s not how Science—

**Peter:** WHEEEEEE

**MJ:** IT WORKED BITCHES 

**Bruce:** Works....

**Sam:** Well if it didn’t before 

**Bucky:** It does now

**Nat:** Fuckin Hell

**Carol:** Damn Kids

**Peter:** _WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP_

**Shuri:** _IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET-SHIP_

**Michael:** _ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY_

**Ned:** _LITTLE EINSTEINSSSS_

**Peter:** _LITTLE EINSTEI_ —shit

**Carol:** Got ‘em

**Nebula:** _you thought I didn’t have redbull on me as well_

**Nebula:** YOU THOUGHT WRONG

**Carol:** Nebula FTW

**Michael:** Despite everything though

**Michael:** _i_ _still got my gummy bears_

**Ashton:** MICHAEL NO!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow up with some happy chaos! Did I stay up until midnight writing this? Why yes. Yes I did. Aight frems, you know the drill! Comments, fave moments, requests, and I’ll see you in the next one!
> 
> -Angie^^


	10. Home Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credz to Stellophia for helping with some of the dialogue. And whoever finds the All Time Low reference gets some of the brownies I just made
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W
> 
> \--------
> 
> Also Also: For those of y'all who don't have discord, if you feel so inclined, you can come chat with me on Twitter @alltimememefam for quality memes, shit-posts, and updates :)

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server:_ **_THEY’RE GONE BITCHES_ **

_Peter invited: Shuri, Ned, MJ, Clint, Loki, Wanda, Michael, Luke_

**Peter:** THE PARENTALS ARE GONE

 **Peter:** DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

 **Shuri:** NO

 **Shuri:** WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

 **Peter:** c h a o s

 **Peter:** It means that Everyone is gone and I can eat all the cookies I want 

**Loki:** Well, not everyone is gone young Peter. 

**Loki:** Just the responsible ones😈

 **MJ:** It means I can take your toes with no consequence 

**Loki:** _but what if I don’t have toes?_

 **Ned:** _cue x-files theme_

 **Wanda:** I love how they left me here to watch you lot, thinking that I _wouldn’t_ participate in whatever chaos you have planned. 

**Ned:** LMAO

 **Clint:** FUCK YEAH

 **Clint:** THE DEADWEIGHTS ARE GONE 

**Clint:** LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOOO

 **Peter:** Loki

 **Loki:** Peter

 **Peter:** How much ice cream do we have in the freezer?

 **Loki:** Why?

 **Peter:** Because you have special ice powers 

**Loki:** Where is this going?

 **Peter:** I want to make an ice cream fort 

**Michael:** I heard ice cream fort

 **Michael:** _I’m in_

 **Luke:** Ah shit

 **Luke:** Here we go again 

**Michael:** _Luke_

 **Luke:** _Michael_

 **Michael:** I’ve got the suitcase, you’re coming with me

 **Luke:** Dear Michael, count me out

 **Michael:** Luke, don’t make me get the bag 

**MJ:** I love how that is a legitimate threat now

**Michael: 👜👀**

**Luke:** **👁👄👁🏃**

 **Loki:** We don’t have enough to make a fort

 **Peter:** _I’m cry_

 **Michael** : _what if I told you I have a solution?_

 **MJ:** I am intrigued 

**MJ:** Because I very much want this ice cream fort to happen

 **Michael:** What if we went to Walmart and got more Ice cream?

**Peter: 👀**

**Shuri: 👀**

**Loki:** Or better yet, we build the fort _in_ the Walmart

 **Michael:** _Y E S_

 **Wanda:** I approve of this chaos

**Luke:**

**Luke:** Ya know

 **Luke:** Normally I’d be against his insane ideas. 

**Luke:** But this one actually kind of sounds like fun

 **Luke:** _i can finally achieve my dream of being a real penguin_

 **Wanda:** There’s no greater entertainment than getting kicked out of a Walmart on a Wednesday night

 **Clint:** ^^

 **Michael:** HAHA I HAVE SUCCEEDED IN CORRUPTING HIM

 **Michael:** _ONE OF US_

 **Peter:** _ONE OF US_

 **Shuri:** _ONE OF US_

 **Wanda:** It has been decided. We ride in 10 Bitches. 

**Michael:** _I’ll meet you there_

 **Luke:** Did you just—

 **Michael:** Yes. Yes I did. 

**Wanda:** AIGHT

 **Wanda:** GET IN KIDS

 **Wanda:** WE’RE GOING SHOPPING 

**Clint:** _grabs nerf guns_

 **Clint:** I am prepared 

**Ned:** Mr. Clint, why are you bringing three nerf guns?

 **Clint:** _because it’s nerf or nothing kids_

 **Wanda:** Vroom Vroom Bitches

 **Peter:** _WALMARTIANS_

 **Shuri:** _BEATS ALL I’VE EVER SEEN_

 **Ned:** _WALMARTIANS_

 **MJ:** _EVERY NIGHT IS HALLOWEEN_

 **Michael:** _I have arrived_

 **Shuri:** _we have also arrived_

 **Loki:** _let it begin_

 **Clint:** May I also suggest we use frozen pizzas as well?

 **Michael:** You had me at pizza

 **Michael:** WAIT

 **Michael:** WE NEED GUMMY BEARS TOO

 **Wanda:** Alright, everyone grab a cart and get your shit

 **Peter:** TO THE ICE CREAM

 **Michael:** TO THE GUMMY BEARS

 **Clint:** TO THE VENTS

 **Luke:** Wait, you can do that?

 **Michael:** I WANNA TRY

 **MJ:** Traveling by vent is the best way to travel

 **Shuri:** TO THE VENTS

 **Peter:** TO THE VENTS

 **Wanda:** TO THE VENTS

 **Ned:** Quick! Someone play the mission impossible theme

 **Peter:** _do do do doodoodoo_

 **Clint:** _and this is what nerf guns are for kids_

 **Luke:** Wait, but how do we get out

 **Clint:** Ya just kick the panel

 **Clint:** Like so

 **Clint:** Watch and learn peasants

 **Loki:** _Excuse you, pathetic mortal_

 **Loki** _I am no mere peasant_

 **Michael:** LMAO THE LOOK ON THAT LADY’S FACE WAS PRICELESS

 **Clint:** And now, we exit the vent

 **Clint:** I call this: Zip Lining with Style

 **Clint:** FOR NARNIAAAAAAAA

 **Wanda:** Oop-

 **Wanda:** Right into the Mac N’ Cheese

 **Clint:** And that’s what I also call: Falling with style

 **Wanda:** sjhjfhgjdfh sure Clint

 **Wanda:** Aight Children, your turn

 **Peter:** FOR ICE CREEEAMMMMMMMM

——————————

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony Named the Server:_ **_I Swear to God, Peter_ **

_Tony invited Everyone_

**Tony: @Wanda** Would you care to explain Why I’ve just revived an alert that Peter has left the premises?

 **Wanda:** Uh...no

 **Carol:** fsjshdhdxjxn 

**Peter:** We were in the vents, but we’re not anymore

**Tony:**

**Tony:** Oh

 **Tony:** Oh God

 **Tony:** Oh God no

**Nat:**

**Nat:** I see where this train of thought is going

 **Carol:** If Peter is in the vents, this only means one thing

 **Tony:** PETER, YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK OUT OF THAT WALMART OR I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL BLOW IT UP

 **Nat:** Oh

 **Nat:** Oh Damn

 **Peter:** _never_

 **Shuri:** We’re just getting supplies

 **Loki:** Nothing out of the ordinary. 

**Bruce:** If Loki’s there it’s definitely something out of the ordinary

 **Peter:** Totally not building an giant igloo out of ice cream

 **Strange:** I-

 **Tony:** WANDA

 **Tony:** I TRUSTED YOU

 **Wanda:** I know

 **Wanda:** That’s the funny part

 **Wanda:** You trusted me like I wasn’t going to fully participate in whatever chaos they had planned

 **Nat:** Lmao yes

 **Carol:** Spoken like a true Space Girl

 **Tony:** WHO ELSE ARE YOU WITH

_Peter invited MJ_

_Peter invited Ned_

_Peter Invited Michael_

_Peter invited Luke_

**Tony:** NO

 **Strange:** Why are there so many children now?

 **Michael:** _Mmm Youngblood_

 **Luke:** Michael, stop making cannibalistic song references

 **Sam:** It’s time to STOP

 **Sam:** It’s time to STOP, OKAY

 **Bucky:** Where are your parents?

**Michael:** Hold up

_Michael invited Ashton_

_Michael invited Calum_

**Michael:** ^^^

 **Luke:** ^^^

 **Ashton:** I don’t want to know I don’t want to know I don’t want to know I don’t want to know

 **Calum:** I kind of want to know

 **Peter:** We’re building an igloo

 **Luke:** Like the penguins

 **Calum:** Out of what?

 **MJ:** I c e c r e a m

 **Michael:** And gummy bears

 **Clint:** And pizza

 **Strange:** Time to order yet another parenting manual off of Amazon

 **Strange:** Tony, you really need to stop burning those things

 **Michael:** PETER

 **Peter:** WHAT

 **Michael:** WHAT KIND OF ICE CREAM DO YOU WANT

 **Peter:** IDK WHAT DO THEY HAVE

 **MJ: @Loki** You can shapeshift, right?

 **Loki:** Yes..?

 **MJ:** Wanna turn into a snake and help me scare people?

 **Loki:** _oh hel yes_

 **Steve:** I need a nap

 **Steve:** I’m too tired to deal with this 

**Peter:** *old

 **Shuri:** flfghdjkfhgjd

 **Carol:** dsjkfhsjkgh

 **Carol:** RIP Stove

 **Luke:** OKAY

 **Luke:** WE GOT STRAWBERRY, CHOCOLATE, VANILLA, MINT CHIP, COOKIE DOUGH, AND COOKIES AND CREAM

 **Calum:** I KIND OF WANT TO BUILD AN ICE CREAM FORT TOO, CAN I COME?

 **Ashton:** I haven’t had enough coffee yet to deal with this

 **Tony:** YOU’RE NOT BUILDING AN ICE CREAM FORT 

**Luke:** _you mean i can’t be a penguin?_

 **Wanda:** TONY LOOK WHAT YOU DID, YOU HAVE UPSET THE CHILD

 **Calum:** JOIN US ASHTON

 **Calum:** IT WILL BE FUN

 **Luke:** WE CAN ALL BE PENGUINS TOGETHER

 **Peter:** COME BE PENGUINS WITH US

 **Ashton:** I-

 **Ashton:** Ya know what

 **Ashton:** If you can’t beat ‘em

 **Ashton:** Join ‘em

 **Luke:** ICE CREAM FORT

 **Ned:** ICE CREAM FORT

 **Calum:** ICE CREAM FORT

 **MJ:** ICE CREAM FORT

 **MJ:** Loki would join in our cultic chanting, but he’s too busy slithering around in the produce aisle

 **Peter: @Luke** GET HALF BAKED TOO

 **Luke:** OKAY

 **Michael:** I FOUND THE GUMMY BEARS

 **Michael:** I’M TAKING ALL OF THEM

 **Peter:** #moicholfinallygetshisgummybears

 **Ashton:** WE’RE NOT MAKING THEM SENTIENT THOUGH!

 **Michael:** AWWWW WHY NOT?

 **Loki:** Sentient Gummy bears are fun

 **Clint:** I have successfully raided the pizza section

 **Clint:** So we may consume pizza in our fort

 **Sam:** I don’t like this

 **Sam:** I don’t like this at all

 **Tony:** Strange

 **Strange:** Tony

 **Tony:** Help

 **Strange:** No

 **Calum:** WHAT SHOULD I BRING?

 **Ned:** FRUIT LOOPS

 **Carol:** Did someone say

 **Carol:** _L O O P S?_

 **Ashton:** WAIT BUT IF WE GET LUCKY CHARMS TOO, WE CAN DECORATE THE OUTSIDE WITH UNICORN MARSHMALLOWS

 **Shuri:** OML YES

 **Nat:** So should we ditch our mission or just sit back and let it happen?

 **Carol:** Sit back and let it happen

 **Tony:** I hate you both

 **Steve:** I’m not sure, I don’t really no what’s worse, HYDRA or the child-vengers and their friends on crack

 **Bucky:** Definitely the kids on crack

 **Carol:** I still say we sit back and let it happen

 **Clint:** WE HAVE MADE IT BACK TO THE PREMISES

 **Luke:** IT’S PENGUIN TIME

 **Shuri:** NO ADULTS ALLOWED

 **MJ:** ONLY THE CHILDREN OF SATAN

 **Calum:** WAIT BUT WE _ARE_ ADULTS

 **Michael:** AGE MEANS NOTHING HERE

 **Ned:** WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF SATAN

 **Peter:** CLINT, WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE BUILDING WITH IT, NOT EATING IT

 **Shuri:** MJ, come help me with the walls

 **Tony:** How much ice cream did you children get?

 **Peter:** Um….

 **Peter:** All of it?

 **Strange:** You bought the entirety of Walmart’s ice cream stock?

 **Strange:** Dear Lord

 **Strange:** Reddit was right when they predicted that the world would end in 2020

 **Luke:** I love it

 **Ashton:** CALUM

 **Calum:** ASHTON

 **Ashton:** COME HELP ME PUT THE UNICORNS ON

 **Calum:** OKAY

 **Ned:** I found a bunch of maraschino cherries in the in the cabinets 

**Peter:** YES

 **MJ:** If we get a ladder, we can put them on the top

 **Nat:** Why do you need a ladder?

 **Tony:** Jfc how big is this thing

 **Luke:** Well, I’m like, 6’ 4”

 **Luke:** So it’s probably a good 8ft tall

 **Carol:** I-

 **Peter:** OKAY LOKI

 **Peter:** FREEZE OUR ICE CREAM IGLOO WITH YOUR ICE POWERS

 **Michael:** WAIT

 **Peter:** WHAT

 **Michael:** WE CAN’T FORGET THE RAINBOW SPRINKLES

 **Ned:** YES 

**Ned:** RAINBOW SPRINKLES ARE NECESSARY FOR HUMAN SURVIVAL

 **Michael:** OKAY THEY’RE ON

 **?Michael:** NOW WE’RE GOOD

 **Loki:** Stand back foolish mortals

 **Loki:** This is the work of the Gods

 **Tony:** I’m terrified for what I’m about to come home to

 **Luke:** _i’m a real penguin now_

 **Ashton:** _yes you are_

 **Luke:** _this is the happiest moment of my life_

 **Luke:** _i’d like to thank the academy_

 **Ned:** IT EVEN HAS A SLIDE

 **Michael** : _and i finally got my gummy bears_

 **Calum:** _can i have a gummy bear?_

 **Michael:** _n o_

 **Calum:** _i’m cry_

 **Michael:** ….

 **Michael:** _o k a y , f i n e_

 **Tony:** I-

 **Peter:** HI DAD

 **Peter:** WE’RE PLAYING PENGUINS

 **Tony:** There is an 8ft tall ice cream igloo in my living room

 **Tony:** _Why?_

 **Loki:** Because we felt like it, that’s why

 **Tony:** Loki, you’re dead

 **Loki:** _Do I look like the kind of man who dies?_

 **Tony:** _Y E S_

 **Loki:** Bury me shallow; I’ll be back

 **Pepper:** _No_

 **Pepper:** _No, you won’t_

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Lawd. Press F for Tony's Sanity.  
> That was a whole 7 pages, but I regret nothing  
> Aight Aight Frems! You know the drill! I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	11. First Day Shenanigans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of all those starting school
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Tony Created a Server_

_Tony Named the Server: **Peter are you dead yet?** _

_Tony Invited Everyone_

**Tony:** PETER

 **Thor:** HAVE YOU PERISHED YET?

 **Thor:** STARK WILL NOT STOP ASKING

 **Peter:** …..

 **Peter:** Dad

 **Peter:** It's been 15 minutes since Uncle Bucky dropped me at the door

 **Peter:** AND HE’S STILL OUTSIDE THE FREAKIN DOOR

 **Bucky:** No, I’m not

 **Peter:** YES YOU ARE, I’M LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU

 **Bucky:** Not anymore

 **Peter:** You’re a 6ft giant, a bush can’t hide you

 **Bucky:** Damn😔

 **Sam:** Bucky stop stalking the children

 **Peter:** If it gets you off my case, yes, I am doing just fine, and no, I don’t need you all coming down here in the middle of the day to check up on me

 **Peter:** I bid you good day, Sir

**Tony:**

**Bucky:**

**Sam:** Okay, but we’re still gonna do it, right?

 **Bucky:** Hell yes

 **Nat:** _grabs blowtorches_

 **Bucky:** _grabs guns_

 **Loki:** _grabs cats_

 **Clint:** _grabs pizza_

 **Carol:** I’m ready

 **Wanda:** Who’s driving?

**Peter:**

**Peter:** I’m disowning all of you

* * *

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **Send Help** _

_Peter invited Shuri, MJ, Ned_

**MJ:** Peter 

**MJ:** You do realize we’re in _school_ , right?

 **Peter:** I HAVE A DILEMMA

 **Shuri:** WHAT IS YOUR DILEMMA

 **Peter:** My family is hell bent on infiltrating the school to make sure I’m not dead

 **Ned:** Rip

 **Peter:** So I need your help warding them off

 **MJ:** This is high school

 **MJ:** What in the actual hell could kill you here?

 **MJ:** Besides me

 **Peter:** My point exactly

 **Peter:** Wait, what?

**MJ: 👀**

**Ned: 👀**

**Shuri: 👀**

**Peter: 🏃🏻**

**MJ: 😈**

* * *

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **Why?** _

_Peter Invited Everyone_

**Bucky:** Because.

 **Bucky:** I rest my case.

 **Peter:** Would anyone

 **Peter:** _Anyone_

**Peter: _ANYONE AT ALL_**

**Peter:** Like to explain why Natasha is at the front of my Latin class, and not my Latin teacher?

 **Nat:** I have decided to retire and become an educator instead

 **Peter:** You hate kids

 **Nat:** ....

 **Wanda:** Damn, he got you there

 **Peter:** How did you even get in here in the first place?

 **Nat:** Well, you see

 **Nat:** I had a little chat with your Latin Instructor this morning…

 **Sam:** So, you threatened her

 **Nat:** No, no, I wouldn’t say that

 **Nat:** It was more of aggressively suggesting that she turn around and go home

**Peter: 😒**

**Nat:** I regret nothing

 **Peter:** I regret my existence

 **Nat:** Well, no one else is complaining so I suggest you sit down and shut up

 **Sam:** Lmao, you have been _told_

 **Peter:** The void can take me now, please and thank you

\---------

**Peter:** I swear to god, if anyone one of you walks into this classroom, I will hit you with my math book

 **Tony:** Don’t worry, no one is going to walk in on your class

 **Peter:** ……

 **Peter:** I-

 **Peter:** YOU LITERALLY JUST SAID NO ONE WAS GOING TO WALK IN ON MY CLASSROOM

 **Tony:** But did I walk?

 **Peter:** No

 **Peter:** No, you did not

 **Peter:** You fuckin rolled in on a Segway

 **Tony:** I rest my case

 **Nat:** Lmaooo

 **Bucky:** It’s for your own good, Peter

 **Bucky:** Remember how those kids were when you can to visit Stark Industries?

 **Sam:** Vicious Vermin, they were

 **Carol:** We’ve got to protect our lil baby Peter 

**Peter:** I’m 16

 **Tony:** And maybe blow up your high school while we’re at it

 **Peter:** What?

 **Tony:** What?

* * *

**Peter:** Dad please stop rolling your Segway around the room, this is a place of learning 

**Tony:** You are learning something 

**Tony:** That segwaying around a classroom full of kids while wearing super secret spy sunglasses is what success looks like

 **Tony:** I be...what do you kids call it?

 **Tony:** Oh, yeah!

 **Tony:** I be flexing on dem bitches 

**Peter:** I-

 **Ned:** Did he really just?

 **Nat:** _snorts_

 **MJ:** I love your dad

———————————-

 **Peter:** Hey, MJ, Ned

 **Peter:** Y’all want to skip gym so I _don’t_ have to find out who showed up today?

 **MJ:** Nah

 **MJ:** I wanna see them embarrass you

 **Ned:** Love you, Peter, but same 

**Peter:** You guys are assholes 

**MJ:❤️**

**Ned: ❤️**

**Peter: 🖕**

**Nat:** Peter, I did _not_ just hear you talk about skipping class

 **Carol:** Especially since I came all this way 

**Peter:** Oh God Oh God Oh God

 **MJ:** Hell yeah

 **MJ:** Are we burning stuff?

 **Carol:** It’s not Gym class if there’s no arson

 **Steve:** I thoroughly regret letting you talk me into this

 **Peter:** Aw fuck, there’s two of them

 **Steve:** LANGUAGE

 **Carol:** Now go out on a heat resistant suit

 **Sam:** This cannot end well

 **Steve:** They’re playing dodgeball

 **Bucky:** Oh, well that’s not too bad

 **Steve:** With actual fireballs

 **Bucky:** I-

 **MJ:** Okay everyone aim for Flash

 **MJ:** We’re about to burn some bitches 

* * *

**Peter:** LUNCH

 **Peter:** Finally, some peace and—fuck you Sergeant Barnes

 **Bucky:** Fuck you right back, the name’s, Bucky 

**Peter:** No, No, it’s Sergeant Barnes, Sergeant of the Idiot Avengers Army

 **Bucky:** And to think I made you cookies

 **Sam:** I’ll eat them

 **Bucky:** No, they’re for the kids

 **Sam:** But Peter’s being a little shit

 **Bucky:** Yes, but he’s an adorable little shit

 **Bucky:** If you don’t believe me, just ask Thanos

 **Peter:** Damnit, they’re coming over to sit with us 

**MJ:** Yes, yes, come sit 

**MJ:** You can tell us all kinds of embarrassing stories

 **Bucky:** Here have some cookies

 **Ned:** This is why you two are my favorites 

**Peter:** Lmao don’t tell Dad

 **Bucky:** HEAR THAT TIN CAN? 

**Sam:** WE’RE THE FAVORITES

 **Tony:** Peter, you’re grounded

 **Peter:** I didn’t do anything tho?

 **Tony:** I don’t care, I can’t legally ground the other two so it has to be you

**Peter: 😔😒**

**MJ:** Haha, Loser

 **Peter:** I didn’t say they were my favorites 

**Tony:** NO, BUT YOU WERE THINKING IT

 **Clint:** Excuse you Mothersqwakers, but if anyone is the favorite, it’s obviously me

 **Loki:** You’re both wrong, I’m the cat uncle, so I’m obviously the favorite

 **Tony:** Fight me

 **Loki:** Okay, I will

 **Tony:** Bring it, Rudolph 

**Peter:** See, this is why Mom is my favorite 

**Tony:**

**Clint:**

**Loki:**

**Tony:** For safety reasons, I can’t argue with that

* * *

**Peter:** SCIENCE TIME SCIENCE TIME SCIENCE TIME

 **MJ:** SCIENCE TIME SCIENCE TIME SCIENCE TIME

 **Bruce:** SCIENCE TIME SCIENCE TIME SCIENCE TIME

 **Peter:** Wait, Bruce is teaching the class?

 **Peter:** That I’m okay with

 **Strange:** No

 **Strange:** Bruce isn’t teaching the class

 **Strange:** I am

 **Peter:** ESCAPE TIME ESCAPE TIME ESCAPE TIME

 **Strange:** Try

 **Strange:** I can just portal you back in

 **Ned:** Wait, why is Dr. Strange here 

**Ned:** He hates us

 **Strange:** It’s my revenge for all the shit you kids put me through 

**MJ:** Are we going to summon demons?

 **MJ:** Because I already know how to do that

 **Strange:** Okay, this one clearly needs an exorcism 

**Ned:** Maybe it’ll be fun?

 **Ned:** We can be just like the Wizards of Waverly Place!

 **Peter:** How about the Wizards of Oh Hell No

 **Strange:** Lmao you thought I was actually going to teach a bunch of rowdy teenagers magic? 

**Strange:** No, we’re just watching Magic School Bus

 **Peter:** I hope this turns out to be a normal class

 **Ned:** With Dr. Strange?

 **MJ:** No way

* * *

**Peter:** Thank fuck it’s only a half day and now I can go home and cry into my pillow

 **Wanda:** It couldn’t have been _that_ bad

 **Peter:** I have been cursed out in Latin, scorched, flexed on, and lost so many brain cells I think I might perish

 **Thor:** I thought that’s what we didn’t want to happen

**Tony: 👀**

**Peter:** I quit school

 **MJ:** Lmao

 **MJ:** And leave me and Ned here to fend for ourselves?

 **Peter:** Yes

 **Shuri:** Rip Peter

 **T’Challa:** Remind me never to have kids, and never to let you people watch them

 **Tony:** Oh come on, we’re not _that_ bad

 **T’Challa:** No

 **T’Challa:** You’re worse

  
  


* * *

**Peter:** Hi friends

 **Shuri:** The author has asked us to ask you to take moment to honor a fallen comrade

 **Shuri:** Let's not remember Chadwick Boseman in sadness, but in the glory and light of everything he has achieved and those that his work ethic, dedication, and kind-heartedness have touched. He was a hero both on and off screen for so many.

 **Peter:** Rest in Power, King.

 **Shuri:** You've done well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi frems! Sorry it's been a minute, I was finishing up summer classes, and then settling into the new school year, but I'm back now! I'm going to try and make this a double update, so stay tuned! As always, leave comments, favorite moments, or whatever else you want as long as you're not being a belligerent squawker. Anyway, See you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	12. We're Getting The Band Back Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE!!! WHOO HOO!!!
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Peter Created a Server_

_Peter Named the Server: **We’re getting the band back together** _

_Peter invited Shuri, MJ, Ned, Harley, Michael, Luke_

**Peter:** Guys, I’m getting the band back together 

**MJ:** We have a band?

 **Peter:** WE DO NOW

 **Shuri:** CULT CULT CULT

 **Peter:** No, No, Shuri, I said _band_

 **Shuri:** Oh

 **Ned:** Rip

 **Shuri:** What if we named the band CULT CULT CULT?

 **Michael:** t h e r e s a b a n d ?

 **Michael:** I wanna join the band

 **Luke:** Michael, you’re _in_ a band

 **Michael:** shhhhhhh

 **Michael:** Not anymore

 **Peter:** We can tour the universe 

**MJ:** Unsupervised 

**Michael:** I definitely want to join this band

 **Michael:** 5sos, who? 

**Michael:** We don’t know her here

 **Luke:** Do you all even play?

 **MJ:** I play Piano

 **Shuri:** I can play the guitar

 **Harley:** I’m the manager

 **Ned:** I can play the saxophone 

**Peter:** I also play the saxophone 

**Michael:** Hell yeah

 **Michael:** All we need is a lead singer👀

**Luke:**

**Peter:** _One of us_

 **Shuri:** _One of us_

 **MJ:** _ONE OF US_

 **Michael:** _**ONE OF US**_

 **Luke:** Okay, okay, fine, I’ll join the band

 **Peter:** YESSSSSSSS

 **Michael:** Ned and Peter get the sexy saxophone solos

 **Luke:** Does our band have a name?

 **Michael:** “No Adults Allowed”

 **Luke:** Michael, at least three of us _are_ adults

 **Michael:** Damn, you never let me name anything 

**Luke:** That’s because the last time we let you name something, it was, “Big Nuts”

 **Michael:** WHICH IS A GOOD NAME AND EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULD LET ME NAME THE BAND

 **Harley:** Michael, you know I love you, but we’re not naming the band, “Big Nuts”

 **Michael:** Y’all are no fun😒

 **Shuri:** My vote is still on Cult Cult Cult

 **MJ:** Spawns of Satan

 **Ned:** Actually, MJ, I think that’s just you

 **MJ:** _hissssss_

 **Ned:** _hides_

 **Peter:** Hey! No hissing at the sexy saxophone player

 **Ned:** Yeah! I’m the guy in the chair! My existence is a necessity!

 **MJ:** Fine....

 **Shuri:** Children of Chaos

 **Luke:** Do you think they’d take it into account if I once again reminded them that I’m 24?

 **Michael:** Are you tho?

 **Luke:** Yes?

**Luke:**

**Luke:** Can Cal and Ash be in the band too?

 **Michael:** I thought we agreed, no adults allowed

 **Luke:** MICHAEL YOU’RE THE OLDEST ONE HERE

 **Michael:** *No responsible adults allowed

 **Peter:** Lmao

 **MJ:** Considering they helped us build an ice cream fort, I wouldn’t put them in that category 

**Michael:** Fine.....

 **Michael:** BUT ONLY IF CALUM AGREES TO STOP EATING MY GUMMY BEARS

_Michael invited Calum_

_Michael invited Ashton_

**Calum:** What even is this?

 **Ashton:** At least it’s not four in the morning this time

 **Shuri:** Join our band

 **Calum:** I’m in a band

 **Michael:** Not anymore

 **Michael:** Luke and I are newly inducted members of an intergalactic rock band that is yet to be named

 **Ashton:** Luke, you actually agreed to this?

 **Luke:** ....

 **Luke:** Yes

 **Peter:** We’re currently plotting our Universal Tour

 **Ashton:** But COVID?

 **Peter:** But other star systems that don’t have COVID?

 **Ashton:** Alright, I’m in

 **Calum:** Welp, I can’t really be a one bass band by myself so I guess I’m in too

 **Michael:** Calum, you can only join the band on one condition

 **Calum:** Which is?

 **Michael:** STOP STEALING MY GUMMY BEARS

 **Calum:** ....

 **Calum:** Aight, Imma head out

 **Calum:** _yeets_

 **Shuri:** Rip Calum

 **Peter:** IF I GET YOU YOUR OWN GUMMY BEARS, WILL YOU COME BACK?

**Calum: 🤔**

**Calum:** Looks like I’m back in the band, bois

 **Shuri:** Hell Yeah

 **Michael:** YES

 **Michael:** NOW WE CAN DO EPIC ROCK COVERS OF CARELESS WHISPER

 **Ashton:** And on that note, I’m out

 **Calum:** ASH NO

 **Calum:** DON’T LEAVE ME HERE WITH THEM

 **Ashton:** YOU AGREED TO JOIN?

 **Calum:** ONLY BECAUSE YOU DID

 **MJ:** COME ON WE GOTTA DO IT FOR THE MEMES

 **Ashton:** NO

 **Shuri:** _d o n t b e a b o o m e r_

 **Michael:** _d o n t b e a b o o m e r_

 **Ashton:** I'M NOT A BOOMER WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THAT?

 **Luke:** It’s what you get for insulting the memes

 **Ned:** Guys, focus

 **Ned:** We still need a name

 **Michael:** Ashton is a Boomer

 **Luke:** Ashton is a Boomer

 **MJ:** Ashton is a Boomer

 **Ashton:** I hate this fucking band

 **Michael:** Aw come on Ash, don’t be such a Dad

 **Ashton:** What does that even mean?

 **Michael:** I don’t know yet, but I’m making it an insult

 **Shuri:** Children of Chaos

 **Peter:** Children of Ashton

 **Harley:** Children of Ashton

 **Luke:** Children of Ashton

 **Ashton:** N O

 **Calum:** Adopt us, Ashton

 **Peter:** Yes, adopt us

 **Ashton:** I’m not adopting any of you

 **MJ:** ADOPT US ASHTON

 **Michael:** MAKE US YOUR CULT CHILDREN

 **Ashton:** I NEVER CONSENTED TO THIS

 **Calum:** No means no, kids

 **Peter:** Aw damn

 **Peter:** I wanted to be a child of Ashton

 **Ned:** Dude, you’re already a child of like 8 other people.

 **MJ:** Peter collects dads

 **Harley:** He collects them like Pokemon cards

 **Shuri:** Peter probably has more dads than Pokémon cards

 **Shuri:** So

 **Shuri:** Children of Chaos?

 **Peter:** Children of Chaos

 **Shuri:** Does that mean we get to name our Spaceship, “The Mothership”?

 **MJ:** Y E S

 **Harley:** Y E S

 **Michael:** Or, “The Pizza Mobile”

 **MJ:** No, we are not calling it, "The Pizza Mobile"

 **Michael:** WHY WON'T YOU LET ME NAME SOMETHING?

 **Luke:** YOU KNOW WHY

 **Michael:** _WHYYYYYYY WON'T YOU LOVE MEEEEEEEE?_

 **Calum:** I think the better question is, why do a bunch of teenagers have a Spaceship?

 **Calum:** Are any of you even qualified to fly that thing?

 **Shuri:** I am

 **Ashton:** How old even are you?

 **Shuri:** 16

 **Ashton:** We’re all going to die, I'm calling it right now

 **Shuri:** I'M A GOOD PILOT

 **Shuri:** I HIJACKED IT ALL BY MYSELF

 **Calum:** THAT'S CONCERNING

 **Ned:** Rip Calum’s Sanity

 **Luke:** F

 **Michael:** F

 **Peter:** F

 **MJ:** Lol

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, double update! You know the drill! I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie^^


	13. Return to Alaska

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, we're back with a part two to the legendary, iconic, truly chaotic tale of Alaska from part 1. 
> 
> Brought to you by: Myself, Axisonal, Qcean_Lmai, Hi, SlippingOnVelcro and tiltheendoftheline
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Carol Created a Server _

_ Carol named the server: **I’m Ded** _

_ Carol invited Everyone _

**Carol:** It is 7pm

**Carol:** The cat has left me

**Carol:** And I am bored

**Nat:** I smell chaos

**Carol:** I feel the need to set something on fire

**Bucky:** Chaos can’t be smelt-

**Wanda:** In this house, apparently it can

**Peter:** _Does it smell like toes?_

**Bucky:** What the hell Peter-

**Hope:** Chaos is everywhere, smh

**Bruce:** Do I want to know why Peter associates a distinct smell with “toes”?

**Hope:** No, no, I don’t think you want to know why

**Strange:** I-

**Bucky:** ….kids these days

**Carol:** Yes, Peter, chaos smells like toes

**Bucky:** What do toes smell like, Peter? 

**Bucky:** Explain

**Peter:** Toes smell like the scent of glorious fields of cheese

**Carol:**

**Bucky:** Shouldn’t have asked

**Sam:** Lmao, you brought that upon yourself

**Steve:** Folks, I’m eating here…

**Bucky:** Shut up bird

**Carol:** Shut up, Stove, you’re old

**Nat:** I don’t understand this relationship dynamic at all-

**Steve:** I know things Carol…..

**Carol:** 👀

**Strange:** Do it and I’ll put you back in Alaska where you belong

**Bruce:** Yeah, you’re not the only one eating, Steve

**Bucky:** I-

**Hope:** Mom, I’m scared

**Steve:** If my spaghetti suffers, so do the rest of you

**Carol:** Did someone say….Alaska

**Nat: 👀**

**Hope:** Oh, no

**Nebula:** Oh, yes

**Carol:** Do I smell…a road trip?

**Peter:** I WANT TO COME

**Bucky:** Hell, no-

**Shuri:** IF PETER’S GOING, DO I GET TO GO?

**Bucky:**

**Sam:**

**Nat:** ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP

**Steve:** Ah, Christ

**Bucky:** Does Alaska have plums?

**Sam:** I’m sure it does, Bucky

**Nebula:** I heard, Alaska

**Nebula:** I’m on my way

**Bucky:** …I might have a lighter opinion on it now

**Carol:** ALASKA

**Carol:** ALASKA

**Carol:** ALASKA

**Hela:** I WOULD LIKE TO COME TO THIS “ALASKA”

**Nebula:** Hell, yeah

**Bucky:** Fine, I’m in

**Sam:** Guess that means I’m in too

**Hela:** Do they have gummy bears?

**Hela:** I need more

**Carol:** We’ll get some

**Hela:** Yes

**Bucky:** Perhaps this will be fun

**Strange:** Doubtful

**Clint:** I SMELLED A ROAD TRIP

**Clint:** WHERE ARE WE YEETING TO, SQWAKERS?

**Bucky:** Alaska

**Clint:** FUCK YES

**Bucky:** Uh, how are we all gonna get there tho-

**Nebula:** I got you

**Hela: With these gummy bears, I will take back the Nine, and make wearing socks with sandals illegal**

**Carol:** BUT WE GOTTA GO QUICK BEFORE STEBE CAN STOP US

**Hela:** I’m outside

**Nebula:** ALL ABOARD THE ROCKET SHIP

**Bucky:** Yeah, boomers slowing us down

**Hela:** We’re going to Alaskaaaaa

**Carol:** ALASKA

**Nat:** YA LIKE, ALASKA?

**Bucky:** ALASKA

**Shuri:** CULT TRIP CULT TRIP

**T’Challa:** Yes, please, take her

**Hela:** There's a knife here, just chilling

**Wanda:** HERE WE GO BITHCESSSSSS

**Hela:** Update, the knife speaks

**Hela:** Gonna stab

**Clint:** Cue Avengers Kazoo theme

**Bucky:** Oh, Lord, Clint

**Carol:** Let’s GOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Hela:** gEt mE tHe sALT

**Nat:** EVERYONE RUN BEFORE STEVE CNA STOP US

**Carol:** FOUND THE SALT

**BUCKY:** YES, LISTEN TO NATASHA

**Hela:** I SHALL STOP STEVE

**Hela:** With salt

**Carol:** I love Steve, but he’s such an old person and runs all our chaos

**Carol:** He needs to stop being so responsible 

**Hela:** A salty knife will fix that

**Strange:** I fear for your lives

**Bucky:** I agree

**Steve:** I’m still here ya know. I can see what you’re typing

**Carol:** RUN

**Wanda:** RUNNING

**Nebula:** Okay, binches, time for take-off

**Nebula:** SUCK IT STEVE, YOU AIN’T CATCHIN US

**Nebula:** Off to Alaska we go

**Hela:** Alaska calls us

**Carol:** THE PHONE

**Carol:** THE PHONE IS RINGING

**Carol:** ALASKA’S ON THE LINE

**Hela:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Nebula:** Plotting course now

**Bucky:** CHAOS

**Sam:** Why did I agree to this?

**Wanda:** Because you love us

**Peter:** But more specifically, you love  _ me _

**Hela:** I FORGOT THE APPLE JUICE

**Tony:** Aaaand, enabling livestream

**Carol:** HELA

**Hela:** CAROL

**Carol:** HOW DARE YOU?

**Peter:** I feel so disrespected right now

**Shuri:** Hela, Idk if I can be friends with you anymore

**Wanda:** She’s failed us

**Bucky:** Indeed she has

**Carol:** RIP

**Wanda:** Can someone turn on some road trip tunes?

**Peter:** _plays careless whisper_

**Hela:** WAIT

**Hela:** I have alcohol tho

**Hela:** Lots of it

**Hela:** Everything is well

**Wanda:** Can we go to that Sushi place you and Stove went to?

**Carol:** No, I hate sushi

**Hela:** Carol, we can’t be friends

**Hela:** You have no taste

**Carol:** Well then fuck you, Hela

**Hela:** I bet you’re one of those people who doesn’t like Pineapple on pizza

**Carol:** I LOVE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

**Wanda:** YOU LIKE PINEAPPLE ON _PIZZA?_

**Hela:** I DO

**Steve:** Pineapple is good on pizza

**Wanda:** I might have to leave

**Hela:** It balances the saltiness of the cheese, don’t @ me

**Wanda:** You imbeciles 

**Carol:** WE HAVE TO THROW WANDA OUT THE BUS

**Wanda:** TRAITOR

**Hela:** OPERATION YEET IS A GO

**Bucky:** WE ARE NOT YEETING WANDA

**Carol:** YEET

**Wanda:** CAROL, WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR LOVE?

**Hela:** WHAT IS LOVE?

**Peter:** _BABY DON’T HURT ME_

**Shuri:** _DON’T HURT ME_

**Peter:** _NO MOREEEE_

**Carol:** I STILL LOVE YOU WANDA

**Carol:** BUT YOU HAVE TO DIE FOR THAT

**Nat:** I’ll still marry you, Carol

**Carol:** HAHA I STILL GOT NAT, I’M GOOD BINCH

**Hela:** _sips space vodka_

**Carol:** VODKA

**Carol:** IS IT GAY

**Hela:** YES

**Hela:** Vodka is vodka

**Carol:** _gay vodka_

**Loki:** WHY AM I NEVER INVITED ON THESE TRIPS?

**Hela:** LOKI

**Loki:** THE FUCK? I WANT SOME GAY VODKA, SISTER

**Loki:** AND PETER, YOU WOUND ME

**Peter:** Rip

**Thor:** Brother, stop shouting, Vision and I are trying to watch Disney

**Hela:** LOKI, DO YOU REMEMBER THAT OLD UNCLE WHO HID SWEETS IN HIS FAKE LEG?

**Loki:** Yes?

**Hela:** Is he still alive?

**Hela:** I want to borrow his leg for something

**Wanda:** _chokes on vodka_

**Loki:** I don’t know

**Loki:** Truth be told, you probably killed him.

**Loki:** Or maybe it was me?

**Hela:**

**Hela:** Aight, who wants Vodka

**Hela:** I have a crate here

**Hela:** Come and get it

**Peter:** _COME AND GET YOUR LOVE_

**Wanda:** this is going got end very well

**Nebula:** Can the kid have vodka?

**Nat:** A bottle or two won’t hurt him

**Nebula:** Aight

**Tony:** Fuck you, robobitch

**Nebula:** No U

**Wanda:** Fuck it, I want some more

**Peter:** I want the gay vodka

**Peter:** Give me the gay

**Shuri:** You _are_ the gay

**Peter:** I _am_ the gay

**Nebula:** I’m the biggest gay tho

**Carol:** I can drink to that

**Peter:** With toes

**Sam:** What is it with you and toes?

**Peter:** mmmm toes

**Bucky:**

**Sam:** I’m gonna need some more vodka

**Wanda:** Give me a bottle Hela, glasses are for the weak

**Bucky:** This isn’t going to end well is it?

**Sam:** When do these things ever end well?

**Strange:** I’m off duty

**Steve:** Avengers are never off duty

**Peter:** The room is spinning, is that a dino?

**Nebula:** Oh shit

**Nebula:** The kid is drunk

**Nebula:** And so am I

**Vision:** I am concerned-

**Nat:** He’s smashing bottles now. He’s throwing them around with his web shooters.

**Carol:** Peter is a chaotic drunk

**Peter:** THEY DON’T CALL ME YEETER YOINKER FOR NOTHING

**Shuri:** Peter, no one calls you that

**Nebula:** Well, passengers, we have made it to ALASKA

**Carol:** ALASKA

**Wanda:** THE SWEET FRESH AIR HAS REVIVED ME ONCE AGAIN

**Wanda:** Wait

**Wanda:** Am I drunk, or is that a tiger?

**Carol:** I think we’re all just really drunk

**Sam:** The only tiger I see is Bucky

**Nebula:** Go be gross somewhere else

**Bucky:** Caw Caw Motherfucker

**Sam:** _gasps_

**Sam:** He finally said it

**Sam:** I’m so proud

**Wanda:** HELP I CAN’T GET UP

**Carol:** HAHA

**Nat:** She’s fallen and she can’t get up

**Wanda:** You bitch

**Hela:** You are all very strange

**Strange:** No, I’m Strange

**Carol:** Strange is a Psycho Doctor

**Carol:** Doctor Psycho

**Strange:** Wrong Universe, dumbass

**Bucky:** Ah, fuck it, Imma get drunk too

**Nebula:** How are you not already

**Bucky:** Majik

**Peter:** I need more vodka

**Shuri:** Peter, no-

**Wanda:** I HAVE THE LAST BOTTLE

**Carol:** GIVE IT HERE FUCKER

**Nebula:** I am enjoying this

**Tony:** As am I

**Tony:** Quality livestream content

**Strange:** Tony, you’re a stalker

**Bucky:** Yes, don’t stalk us

**Tony:** I do as I please in my house

**Carol:** Well, I’m off to find pizza

**Peter:** Yeeter Yoinker wants pizza

**Wanda:** My vodka is gone

**Carol:** Rip

**Wanda:** Serious question, does the pizza place have vodka

**Carol:** Y E S

**Wanda:** Let’s fucking go

**Nebula:** Well, this has been a disaster

**Steve:** You don’t fucking say?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Hey you. YA LIKE ALASKA?
> 
> Alright folks, that do be it for this chapter. You know the drill! I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	14. Operation: What the Fuck, Peter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Sam_J_07, I honestly have no clue what the hell this turned into but I love it, thanks for the fun prompt!
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Thanos created a server_

_Thanos named the Server: **Gather**_

_Thanos invited Hela, Peter, Doom, Dormammu, Red Skull, Ultron, Ronan_

**Thanos:** Villains! Assemble!

 **Hela:** You really need a different catchphrase, that one’s already trademarked. 

**Thanos:** Fuck you

 **Hela:** No

 **Ultron:** I am here 

**Doom:** Did you bring cookies?

 **Ultron:** No

 **Dormammu:** Then get out

 **Ultron:** ☹️

 **Red Skull:** Y’all keep forgetting that time zones exist

 **Ultron:** Time is an illusion

 **Thanos:** No, time is a .5 oz, green rock

 **Hela:** Is there a reason you gathered us here today, or was it purely for your own entertainment?

 **Thanos:** Ah, yes!

 **Thanos:** Dearly Beloved-

 **Hela:** I don’t particularly like any of you

**Thanos:😒**

**Thanos:** Dearly Beloved, minus the anti-social, salty cactus in the corner

 **Hela:** Asshat

 **Thanos:** I have gathered you here today because it seems that we have been slacking off. 

**Doom:** What do you mean?

 **Thanos:** I mean, we haven’t really done anything bad that qualifies us as real villains

 **Dormammu:** Alexa, play We Are Number One

 **Ultron:** We gotta do something really bad 

**Hela:** We could go on a killing spree

 **Doom:** Good Gods, Hela, we’re villains, not murders

 **Hela:** There’s a difference?

 **Dormammu:** We should kidnap someone 

**Peter:** You can kidnap me

 **Doom:** It’s not kidnapping if you know about it though. 

**Peter:** Well, I need to be kidnapped

 **Thanos:** Why in Satan’s name would you need to be kidnapped?

 **Peter:** Because

 **Peter:** I have been grounded

 **Peter:** I am not allowed to leave the compound without a responsible adult with me

 **Peter:** I can’t see Shuri for another week

 **Peter:** And I’m all out of apple juice, but they won’t let me get more

 **Ronan:** !!!!!

 **Ronan:** This is unacceptable

 **Red Skull:** He must be kidnapped at once!

 **Peter:** Thank you😁

 **Thanos:** First, we must form a plan of infiltration

 **Doom:** We’ll need a way to get past the alarm systems. 

**Hela:** Or my 20,000 pound doggo can just smash the windows

 **Ultron:** ….

 **Ultron:** That too

 **Peter:** dogs dogs dogs

 **Peter:** Bring Doggo

 **Ronan:** I’ll gather the space apple juice. I use it as fuel for my spaceship

 **Red Skull:** We’ll need cloaks too

 **Dormammu:** For disguises?

 **Red Skull:** No, it’ll just make us look cool

 **Peter:** Do I get a cloak?

 **Ronan:** I’ll bring you the best cloak 

**Peter:** YAY I’VE ALWAYS WANTED A CLOAK

 **Peter:** NOW I CAN BE A REAL VILLAIN

 **Hela:** He’s so soft

 **Hela:** I cannot wait to corrupt him

 **Ronan:** Alright, we’re all boarded up

 **Ronan:** Alexa, play We are Number One

* * *

_Tony created a Server_

_Tony named the Server: **Who left the door open?**_

_Tony invited Everyone_

**Tony:** Someone explain to me why there are hooded figures and a giant dog running around the hallways whispering “We are number one”?

 **Nat:** What?

 **Thor: @Loki** What kid of games are you playing, Brother?

 **Loki:** Not me, I would never stoop as low as singing that wretched song

 **Carol:** Tony, I’m sincerely hoping you didn’t wake us up at 4:20 am because you were having strange crack dreams again

 **Scott:** No, no, that’s me who has those. 

**Steve:** Wait, we have drugs in the house?

 **Peter:** D R U G S

 **Shuri:** D R U G S

 **Strange:** Only if you count ice cream

 **Tony:** Yeah, Strange puts crack in his vegan ice cream

 **Strange:** …

 **Steve:** There are children living in this vicinity for Christ’s sake

 **Carol:** Even he can’t save us now, Steve

 **Wanda:** Alright, can we close the door so the cats don’t get out?

_Muffin joined the server_

**Muffin:** _Bold of you to assume we don’t have secret passages through the air vents_

 **Clint:** So that’s why I’ve been sneezing so much

 **Clint:** Stay outta my vents, you fluffy fuckers

_Muffin has been disconnected_

**Vision:** That explains the loud sounds of echoing explosions we hear coming from the vents.

 **Wanda:** That gave me such a headache

 **Nat:** Okay, but real talk

 **Wanda:** My headache was very real?

 **Nat:** No, no

 **Nat:** Is Peter okay?

 **Wanda:** I’ll go check

 **Wanda:** …..

 **Wanda:** Guys, he’s not here

 **Tony:** !!!

 **Tony:** They kidnapped Peter!

 **Steve:** What?!

 **Strange:** Considering they were hooded figures running around, singing along to an internet sensation, I’m going to guess that Peter wasn’t kidnapped, he was probably one of them.

 **Peter:** Teeheeheehee

_Peter invited Hela_

_Peter Invited Doom_

_Peter Invited Ultron_

_Peter invited Ronan_

_Peter invited Thanos_

_Peter invited Dormammu_

**Doom:** READ IT AND WEEP, STARK! WE, THE MIGHTY VILLAIN’S CLUB, HAVE SUCCESSFULLY KIDNAPPED YOUR PRECIOUS CHILD IN A GENIUS KIDNAPPING

 **Tony:** DOOM YOU BITCH BRING MY KID BACK

 **Ronan:** He’s our hostage now

 **Carol:** Listen here and listen well, Rodent, You bring my nephew back right now, or I’ll fly up there and turn your ass into burnt toast

 **Peter:** yOu hAvE aNgErEd cArL

 **Ronan:** You can’t catch me Captain Lightbulb

 **Carol:** Only Steve has night-light joke privileges 

**Carol:** You’re dead now

 **Nat:** He wasn’t before?

 **Peter:** Noooo

 **Peter:** Aunty Carol, please don’t kill my friends

 **Bruce:** How are they your friends?

 **T’Challa:** Yes, didn’t they just kidnap you?

 **Strange:** Did no one hear my statement on Peter playing a role in this menagerie?

 **Tony:** No

 **Tony:** I never listen to big words like that

 **Strange:** You’re an engineer? Who invented a new element?

 **Tony:** Yes, not an English Major. I can’t even spell that word you just used.

 **Strange:** Why do I even bother?

 **Nat:** The man can do Quantum-Science, but he can’t spell "menagerie"

 **Tony:** What about it Nathaniel?

 **Wanda:** FRENS

 **Wanda:** FOCUS

 **Vision:** Yes, the longer we sit and argue, the faster our window closes to uncover Mr. Parker.

 **Thor:** If the young Stark is missing, I, Thor, Son of a Bitch, will find him

 **Loki:** Did-did you just-

 **Thor:** Why yes brother, yes I did

 **Loki:** I-

 **Loki:** What is this strange feeling of pride that I have?

 **Loki:** I don’t like it

 **Nat:** I love it

 **Nebula:** #fuckparents

 **Thor:** #fuckparents

 **Loki:** #fuckparents

 **Peter:** #fuckparents

 **Tony:** EYE-

 **Nat:** jkhjkh

 **Steve:** LANGUAGE

 **Hela:** FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT

 **Nebula:** SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK

 **Steve:** I’m surrounded by idiots

 **Tony:** *geniuses

 **Steve:** *idiots

**Tony: 👀🥖**

**Steve: 😎😎😎**

**Tony: 🚆🤡🔥**

**Carol:** EYE-

 **Ronan:** Exiting Earth’s atmosphere in 3, 2, 1

 **Carol:** No you don’t, you big bitch

 **Thanos:** Even with all the zooms and nyooms in the universe, you cannot catch us Captain Marbles

 **Wanda:** Watch us

 **Thanos:** I'M WAITING

 **Peter:** WE’RE GOING ON A TRIP IN OUR FAVORITE ROCKET SHIP

 **Peter:** TO THE APPLE FARM

 **Dormammu:** ESC CLUB

 **Ultron:** Equipped with pizza and cookies

 **Peter:** NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

 **Hela:** NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

 **Ultron:** NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

 **Dormammu:** NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

 **Strange:** I told you he was in on it

 **Tony:** Peter I am very unhappy with you right now

 **Peter:** Well father, you know what the cure for unhappiness is, right?

 **Tony:** Enlighten me

 **Peter:** _inhales_

 **Peter:** _PUT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR_

 **Tony:** A banana in my ear?

 **Peter:** _JUST PUT A RIPE BANANA RIGHT INTO YOUR FAVORITE EAR_

 **Ronan:** _ITS TRUE_

 **Strange:** Says who?

 **Hela:** _SO TRUE_

 **Red Skull:** _ONCE IT'S IN YOUR GLOOM WILL DISAPPEAR_

 **Ultron:** _THE BAD IN THE WORLD IS HARD TO HEAR_

 **Dormammu:** _WHEN IN YOUR EAR A BANANA CHEERS_

 **Peter:** _SO PUT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR_

 **Tony:** Peter, I am not putting a damn banana in my freakin ear

**Peter: 🤡🍌👂**

**Tony:** I’m calling your mother

**Peter: 😳**

**Peter:** GO FASTER GO FASTER

_Tony invited Pepper_

**Pepper:** Dear Jesus, what this time?

 **Strange:** Peter orchestrated his own kidnapping

 **Tony:** And then told me to put banana in my ear

 **Pepper:** I-

 **Peter:** _whispers_

 **Peter:** _put banana in your ear_

 **Pepper:** Peter you get home right now

 **Peter:** I cannot

 **Peter:** I am being held hostage on an enemy ship

 **Pepper:** 🚆🚀💥🔥🤡

 **Nat:** I-

 **Nat:** Hell hath no fury like an angry Pepper

 **Thanos:** YOU WILL NEVER CATCH US

 **Pepper:** Bold of you to assume I can’t fly a spaceship

**Thanos: 🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻**

**Pepper: 🤡🤡🤡**

**Wanda:** Ded

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, there yo have it. Another day, another chaotic chapter. You know the drill folks, and I'll see you in the next one! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get tickets to the Basement Noise concert series. If you saw me buying tickets to all five shows, you did not👀


	15. Spoopy Scary Child Squad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to my favorite Spoopy Mcassassain Pants. It's her birthday today :)
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Peter Created a Server _

_ Peter named the Server: **Free Candy** _

_ Peter invited Shuri, Harley, MJ, Ned. Michale, Luke _

**Peter:** ITS SPOOKY SEASONNNN

**Shuri:** HELLLL YEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHHH

**Peter:** SPOOPY SCARY SKELETONS

**Michael:** SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE

**MJ:** This is my season 😈

**Ned:** Hail Satan

**Shuri:** *Hail MJ

**Peter:** I wanna have a Halloween Party, but I don’t know if mom and dad are going to let me

**MJ:** Why?

**Peter:** They’re still pissed about me orchestrating my own kidnapping

**Luke:** You WHAT?

**Harley:** I-

**Michael:** That’s some God Tier shit right there

**Peter:** _bows_

**Luke:** Why tho

**Peter:** It was because they wouldn’t let me have any apple juice, so I called my friends and told them to kidnap me. 

**Michael:** Luke, next time Ashton tells us we can’t go to Pizza Hut, we’re trying that

**Peter: Y** eeeeeee

**Luke:** How in the actual fuck a 16 year-old kid can be a horrible influence on a 25 year-old is beyond my comprehension, but you sir, are it.

**Peter:** 😈😈😈

**MJ:** He learned from the best

**Peter:** LMAO

**Shuri:** Ya know, Peter, if you want to have a Halloween Party, we can just hijack another spaceship

**Peter:** YES

**Michael:** CAN I COME? I CAN BE THE DJ

**Peter:** YEEEEEE

**Michael:** YEEEEEE

**Peter:** YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS…?

**Michael:** WOT?

**Luke:** Should I be scared?

**MJ:** It’s Spooky Season

**MJ:** You should be fucking terrified

**Luke:** Dear God

**Peter:** W A L M A R T R U N

**Shuri:** YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

**Luke:** …

**Luke:** The last time we did this, it didn’t end well

**Michael:** And we’re gonna fuckin' do it again

**Luke:** …..

**Luke:** Ah screw it, Hell yeah we are

**Ned:** We can stop by Party City too

**Ned:** Gotta get those spoopy Halloween costumes

**Luke:** Let’s everybody dress up as Ashton for Halloween

**Michael:** YES, OML HE’D KILL US, BUT YES

**Luke:** We’re gonna need all the bandanas

**Peter:** TO THE SPACE BUS

**Peter:** SHURI, SUMMON THE SPACE BUS

**MJ:** Zoom Zoom, Motherfuckers

**Michael:** Alexa, play This is Halloween

_ T’Challa Created a Server _

_ T’Challa Named the Server: **Have I mentioned I hate this?** _

_ T’Challa invited Everyone _

**Tony:** Wait wait wait

**Tony:** HOLD THE FUCK UP

**Tony:** Cat-Man?

**Tony:** Making a server?

**Tony:** _ sniffles _

**Tony:** I’m so proud

**T’Challa:** I knew this was a horrible idea. You know what? Never mind

**Carol:** No, no

**Carol:** We were clearly summoned here for a reason

**T’Challa:** Well, I thought I’d be nice, and alert you that my younger sister has once again hijacked a spaceship. 

**Nat:** Shit

**Tony:** Fuckin' Hell

**Tony:** Fuckin' Kids, man

**Wanda:** How the fuck does he always manage to get out of the house without us seeing?

**Peter:** Because I’m a Spoopy Scary Spider-Man, that’s why

**Steve:** This kid…

**Peter:** I swear it's nothing bad tho

**Tony:** Really?

**Bucky:** Why do I get the feeling that’s a flat out lie

**Sam:** Because it probably is

**Peter:** Okay, it's nothing illegal

**T’Challa:** Last I checked, hijacking a spaceship is very illegal

**Shuri:** ffs, Brother, I  _ built _ the spaceship

**Bruce:** So, Shuri’s there too

**Strange:** Well, this is certainly a recipe for disaster

_ Peter invited MJ _

_ Peter Invited Ned _

_ Peter Invited Harley _

_ Peter Invited Luke _

_ Peter Invited Michael _

**Tony:** Oh God

**Nebula:** Tony, I hope you’re live-streaming this

**Steve:** Stop being an instigator 

**Michael:** YEEEEHAWWWW

**Michael:** We’re going to W A L M A R T

**Tony:** NO

**Nat:** Not it

**Wanda:** Not it

**Strange:** Not it

**Carol:** ….

**Strange:** Godsdamn it

**Tony:** Why in God’s name, are you going to Walmart?

**Loki:** I’d appreciate it if you didn’t use my title in vain, Stark

**Luke:** sdjghjdf

**Harley:** We gotta get that good junk food

**Tony:** Where the  _ fuck _ are your parents?

**Michael:** Adults are overrated

**Luke:** ……

**Michael:** Sorry, let me rephrase that

**Michael:** *Responsible adults are overrated

**Strange:** Tony, are you sure this isn’t one of your kids?

**T’Challa:** No, it would seem that Peter and Shuri are just horrible influences on everybody

**Nat:** Watch it Catman. My little baby spider is a pure, innocent, perfect little bean.

**Peter:** Yeah! I’m a bean!

**Strange:** You’re a menace, is what you are.

**Peter:** Yeah, I know😈

**Michael:** PETER, I FOUND THE DISCOUNT CANDY

**Peter:** GOTTA YEET

**Peter:** _ yeeter yoinker mode activated _

**Bucky:** I heard discount candy

**Ned:** It’s for Peter’s Halloween Party

**Sam:** Wait, I thought Peter was grounded and banned from seeing his friends for like, the next 20 years

**Tony:** That’s because he is

**Peter:** A grounding never stopped a real man. 

**Wanda:** Peter, you’re 15

**Michael:** OOP-

**MJ:** BURN

**Harley:** Okay, I got, like, 12 bandanas

**Luke:** Perfect

**Michael:** Bro, Ash is gonna hate us for this

**Peter:** It's our revenge for him refusing to adopt us.

**Strange:** Not everyone wants to be your dad, Peter.

**T’Challa:** And within good reason

**Peter:** People should be lining up to be my dad; I’m a perfect, little angel

**Michael:** I’ll adopt you, Peter

**Peter:** GUITAR DAD GUITAR DAD

**Luke:** But If Ash and Cal are our parents, that makes Peter their Grandchild

**Michael:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

**Luke:** If the sugar rush doesn’t kill us by the end of the night, I am most certain our bandmates will😂😅

**Shuri:** Okay, I cleared out the chocolate section, what next?

**Michael:** G U M M Y B E A R S

**Ned:** And Gummy Worms

**MJ:** OOOO WE CAN GET THE SOUR ONES THAT GLOW IN THE DARK

**Peter:** YES

**Harley:** Gotta get Twizzlers too. 

**Michael:** Yes, yes, classic Junk Food. Gotta have it.

**Luke:** We need ice cream too. Lots of ice cream

**Peter:** Okay, everybody split up and and get your stuff

**Tony:** Nat, I’m gonna need you to send out the cavalry

**Peter:** You will never catch us, old man

**Tony:** OLD MAN

**Tony:** EX-FUCKING-SCUSE YOU, YOUNG SIR, BUT I AM NO WHERE NEAR OLD, I AM 48

**Tony:** NAT, YOU CAN FORGET THE CAVALRY

**Tony:** I WILL BEAT THE BOY’S ASS MYSELF

**Strange:** For once, I get the day off. 

**Wanda:** Oh shit, Stark’s got the armor and everything

**Tony:** Strange, portal

**Strange:** Okay, fine, but only this once

**Peter:** DID EVERYONE GET THEIR SHIT?

**MJ:** YEEEE

**Peter:** OKAY, RUN

**Tony:** PETER, YOU IMBECILE

**Michael:** RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

**Peter:** QUICK, MJ, I NEED SOME SODA BOTTLES AND SOME MENTOS

**MJ:** CATCH

**Tony:** PETER, DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE

**Peter:** PERISH

**Shuri:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Tony:** FUCK

**Tony:** HOW THE FUCK DID HE GET SO MANY BOTTLES OF ROOTBEER?

**Michael:** HAHA, GET DUNKED ON

**Luke:** GUYS, HE'S CHARGING UP

**Peter:** QUICK, GET THE NOODLE SHIELD

**Shuri:** WE JUST GOTTA GET TO THE CHECK OUT

**Luke:** YOU'RE NEVER GONNA MAKE IT

**Shuri:** MJ AND I WILL COVER, THE REST OF YOU,  **_GO!_ **

**Michael:** FOR NARNIA

**Shuri:** CHARGE

**Peter:** I BELIEVE IN YOU IN YOU, SHURI

**Shuri:** MJ, GIVE ME SOME GUMMY WORMS

**Tony:** OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK

**Nebula:** What?

**Tony:** THEY BROUGHT THE FUCKING SENTIENT WITCHES BREW

**Tony:** SENTIENT FUCKING GUMMY WORMS

**Tony:** MAYDAY MAYDAY

**Peter:** HAHA, WE WIN

**Peter:** SHURI, HURRY UP, WERE BOARDING THE SPACESHIP

**Shuri:** ADIOS, FUCKERS

**MJ:** WE GOT ‘EM, BOIS

**Tony:** Damn it

**Tony:** They fucking got away

Tony: How the fuck?

**T’Challa:** It's, Peter and Shuri

**T’Challa:** It was to be expected

**Tony:** Fucking Hell

_ Peter Created a Server _

_ Peter Named the Server: **WE WON** _

_ Peter invited MJ, Ned, Harley, Michael, Luke _

**Peter:** HAHA WE WON, BOIS

**Michael:** HELL YEAH

**MJ:** And we got gummy bears

**Ned:** Dude, your dad is gonna be so pissed lmao

**Peter:** Lol, I know

**Peter:** But, Friends, pour yourself a glass of apple juice. I want to make a toast

**Luke:** To what?

**Peter:** To the fact that of the very first time, the child squad has finally won

**Shuri:** CHILD CULT

**Michael:** CHILD CULT

**MJ:** CHILD CULT

**Luke:** DAMN IT, YOU FIVE, I'M FUCKING 24

**Michael:** Not anymore

**MJ:** Rip

**Peter:** F

**Harley:** F

**Ned:** F

**Luke:**

**Luke:** ....F

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that's that! Happy Spooky Season, y'all! If you're planning to do stuff for Halloween, please stay safe!


	16. Spooky Scary Story Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birth to our resident shitposter. Here's your gift
> 
> With Many Dank Memes, 
> 
> God
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Thanos created a Server _

_ Thanos named the server:  _ **_Spoopy Story Hour_ **

_ Thanos invited Everyone _

**Thanos:** Twas the night before halloween

**Doom:** And all through the haunted house.

**Peter:** Everyone was screaming

**Dormammu:** Except for the mouse.

**Sam:** Wh-

**Hela:** The corpses were hung by the chimney with care

**Red Skull:** In hopes that Satan may appear.

**Bucky:** iM uNcOmFoRtAbLe

**Thor:** Brother, is this your doing?

**Loki:** No, but I love it.

**Ultron:** The children were cowering with fear in their beds

**Peter:** As visions of toes eating cheese, filled their heads.

**Thanos:** Damn it, Peter! You threw off the whole thing! That wasn’t the line!

**Peter:** What? Toes eating cheese is a terrifying thought.

**Shuri:** Especially if they’re steamed toes.

**Strange:** Tony, your kid’s on crack again.

**Hela:** For your information, it's not crack, it’s space juice, thank you very much.

**Tony:** Who let you in here?

**Loki:** Yes, this is a “No Cucumber Zone”.

**Sam:** I thought she was a cactus?

**Loki:** Not anymore, she’s been demoted.

**Hela:** Listen here, Fucker, call me a cucumber one more time, and it’ll be your corpse I’m hanging by the chimney with as little care as possible.

**Nat:** I-

**Wanda:** LMAO

**Thanos:** AHEM

**Thanos:** Don’t you know that it’s rude to interrupt story time?

**Nebula:** Is that what this poetic monstrosity is?

**Thor:** It’s story time?

**Thor:** Why did nobody tell me? 

**Thor:** I would have brought my blanket and my pop tarts.

**Thor:** To share of course.

**Loki:** Even with me?

**Thor:** Except for you

**Loki:** As the foolish earthlings would put it: Fuck you, Brother

**Carol:** How dare you speak such foul language around Thor

**Steve:** We don’t need anyone else’s innocence to be corrupted.

**Hela:** Well, it's a bit too late for that

**Hela:** Anyway

**Hela:** Carry on

**Nebula:** Wait, wait

**Thanos:** Now, what?

**Nebula:** Can I have a go?

**Ronan:** …I guess…

**Peter:** Go for it, Aunty Nebula!

**Clint:** Wait, since when did she get Aunt status?

**Clint:** It took you a whole fuckin month before I got the “Uncle” title

**Nebula:** Because, fuck you, I’m awesome, that’s why.

**Clint:** SQWAK SQWAK MOTHERFUCKER

**Thanos:** CAN WE GET ON WITH THE READING PLEASE?

**Nebula:** Right, right, sorry.

**Nebula:** And Wanda, and Carol, and Nat with their cats

**Peter:** Had just settled down for a Hallow’s Eve nap

**Nat** : I did not ask to be a part of this

**Carol:** RIP

**Ultron:** When out in the void there arose such a clatter

**Thanos:** And the avengers appeared to see what’s the matter

**T’Challa:** If you all think that I am moving my lazy ass halfway across the world because someone heard a noise outside their window, you are very, very wrong.

**Bucky:** But, T’Challa, I thought we were bros

**Sam:** It turns out we’re just fam

**Shuri:** _all around me are familiar faces…._

 **Ronan:** _dramatic shakespearean cough_

**Ronan:** Away to the window, they flew like a flash

**Red Skull:** And Bucky kicked open the shutters while Carol burned the sash

**Bucky:** I-

**Carol:** Hell Yeah

**Dormammu:** The fire that burned through the city below

**Hela:** Allowed them to see what lurked in the glow

**Clint:** I don’t like where this is going

**Doom:** And what to their terrified eyes did appear?

**Peter:** But a hound straight from hell and eight tiny spooky scary skeletons

**Strange:** Wait, wait, wait, wait

**Strange:** I’m confused

**Strange:** If they’re tiny, then how are they scary?

**Thanos:** WE’RE GETTING THERE, OKAY?

**Clint:** Natasha is 5’ 3”, but fuckin terrifying

**Sam:** Smol but scary

**Nat:** _cocks gun_

**Nat:** Call me small again, I dare you. 

**Clint:** Our point has been made.

**Peter:** With the driver a dressed in cheese and toes

**Ronan:** Not again….

**Peter:** They knew in a moment that there was no hope

**Dormammu:** …..

**Dormammu:** I say just roll with it

**Red Skull:** Aight.

**Thanos:** More rapid than death the creatures drew near

**Ultron:** They whistled and shouted, spreading great fear

**Peter:** We’ll eat all your salmon, to spooky tunes we’ll be jammin’, we’ll lurk in your servers, and kill your wifi by spammin’

**Tony:** What in the fuck is even happening right now?

**Nat:** Shakespeare on crack

**T’Challa:** I believe, my friends, that this is beyond an Avengers Level threat

**Strange:** This is a Peter Level Threat

**Hela** : On brooms like a cactus, they go into the sky

**Peter:** Screaming, “It’s spooky season y’all, hope you don’t die.”

**Thanos:** _ dramatic shakespearean bow for effect _

**Ronan:** _puts on sunglasses_

**Hela:** _ tosses cape _

**Peter:** _ drops mike _

**Nat:** I-

**Bruce:** I literally have no words for what just happened

**Clint:** _retreats back into vents_

**Shuri:** _ slowly slithers back into hell where she belongs _

**Strange:** That’s it, I’m burning all the ice cream

**Loki:** I don’t think you can burn ice cream, Doctor.

**Strange:** Okay, we’re portaling all the ice cream

**Sam:** Or you could just eat the ice cream?

**Bucky:** Yes, why are we wasting such precious snackage?

**Strange:** Do you not see what just happened here?

**Strange:** This is what sugar does.

**Strange:** It’s crack for the children

**Peter:** You’re not my dad

**Tony:** Well, I am your father and I say we burn the ice cream.

**Strange:** Did we actually just agree on something?

**Tony:** Relish in it while you can, Magic man, because it is never happening again

**Peter:** You’re also not my dad

**Tony:** Wh-

**Peter:** I have been adopted by the villain squad

**Peter:** I am adding them to my collection of dads

**Hela:** Excuse me?

**Peter:** Except, Hela. 

**Hela:** Thank you, I refuse to be grouped in with those morons.

**Peter:** I’m adding her to my collection of prickly succulents

**Hela:** _dropkicks peter_

**Shuri:** F

**Sam:** F

**Tony:** F

**Nat:** F

**Hela:** The next person to call me a cactus, dies.

**Loki:** And it was in this moment

**Loki:** Loki knew

**Loki:** He fucked up

**Loki:** _fuck off, you fuckin cactus_

 **Hela:** _ultra death mode has been activated_

**Shuri:** Big fuckin’ F

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight Aight Aight. Happy Spoopy Season folks. Stay safe, eat lots of candy, and enjoy yourselves!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	17. It's That Time of Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Slight spoilers ahead for the Hallmark Movie, A Bride for Christmas
> 
> Also: We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_Carol Created a Server_

_Carol Named the server: **Y’all know what time it is**_

_Carol invited everyone_

**Steve:** But do I know what time it is?

 **Carol:** You better fuckin’ know what time it is

 **Wanda:** I know what time it is

 **Sam:** It’s 3pm. What’s so special about that?

 **Bucky:** All time is precious Sam, especially when its time spent with you

 **Tony:** Affection. Disgusting.

 **Loki:** SHUSH METAL MAN, ALLOW MY SHIP TO SAIL.

 **Carol:** It is Hallmark time, my dudes.

 **Nat:** HALLMARK

 **Wanda:** _SCREECH_

 **Thor:** Do I also get to participate in the viewing of the Hallway Marking movies?

 **Wanda:** H a l l w a y M a r k i n g 

**Nat:** Thor, I’m dead

 **Carol:** You are always welcome to watch the Hallmark Movies with us. 

**Steve:** Why do I get the feeling that this is a mandatory event for me?

 **Carol:** Because it is, and I said so.

 **Wanda:** Rip Steve

 **Nat:** Oh hush, he secretly loves it.

 **Steve:** Watch it, Romanoff, I’ve got dirt on you too.

 **Nat:** Wow, Steve, just feel free to throw the whole damn kettle, why don’t you?

 **Steve:** Oh, don’t tempt me.

 **Bucky:** Press F to pay respects for Steve’s dignity

 **Steve:** You know what Bucky? If I go down, you’re going down with me. 

**Bucky:** Fine by me, I for one have no issues admitting that I enjoy Hallmark movies

 **Sam:** I’m guessing this means that I’m being roped into this too.

 **Peter:** Aunty Carol, do I get to watch the movies too?

 **Carol:** Yes.

 **Carol:** It’s the Christmas Hallmark marathon, and anyone who doesn’t join is automatically a loser.

 **T’Challa:** I accept my fate as a loser if it means not having to participate in whatever fuckery is about to commence

 **Shuri:** Well, unfortunately, Brother, You have no choice and you are coming with me.

 **T’Challa:** Please no

 **Nat:** Turn the lights down low bitches

 **Nat:** Let the love fest begin

 **Tony:** Natasha?

 **Nat:** Yes?

 **Tony:** Please, never say those fucking words ever again

 **Thor:** What’s wrong with a festival of love?

 **Loki:** Oh, Brother, you are too pure.

 **Thor:** I don’t know why you’re talking, Loki, as you are the softest thing on the planet

 **Peter:** UNCLE LOKI HAS BEEN EXPOSED

 **Shuri:** _EXPOSED_

 **Peter:** _YOU’EVE BEEN EXPOSED_

 **Shuri:** _EXPOSED_

 **Peter:** _YOU HAVE BEEN FUCKING EXPOSED_

 **Steve:** PETER!

 **Tony:** Yes, don’t say exposed.

 **Steve:** I-

 **Strange:** You can’t see my eyes, but they are rolling into every possible universe beyond ours.

 **Peter:** UNCLE STRANGE

 **Peter:** PLEASE COME WATCH HALLMARK WITH US

 **Strange:** No

 **Strange:** I despise Hallmark and I despise associating with half of you people.

 **Peter:** PLEASE

 **Peter:** COME WATCH IT WITH ME?

 **Strange:** …

 **Strange:** My schedule is cleared and I am on my way

 **Natasha:** Peter strikes again

 **Wanda:** WHAT MOVIE ARE WE WATCHING?

 **Loki** : We should watch the Nightmare Before Christmas

 **Carol:** Loki, that’s not a Hallmark movie-

 **Loki:** Are you shitting me? Its 100 percent a Hallmark movie

 **Nat:** Maybe next time. This needs to be some seriously sappy shit.

 **Carol:** Like Wanda and Vis, but on crack

 **Nat:** So, Sam and Bucky

 **Wanda:** EXCUSE ME

 **Wanda:** BUT ARE YOU INSINUATING THAT SAM AND BUCKY ARE THE SUPERIOR SHIP OVER ME AND VIS

 **Bucky:** Calm down, Wanda.

 **Sam:** Yes, Nat isn’t insinuating anything

 **Bucky:** Yes, she’s spitting straight facts.

 **Vision:** Bold of you to assume that either of you hold any sort of superiority over my Wanda.

 **Vision:** Or any of you for that matter.

 **Wanda:** Except, Peter

 **Wanda:** Peter holds superiority over everyone.

 **Wanda:** Other than that, my mans is superior

 **Sam:** Wait a minute

 **Sam:** WAIT A DAMN MINUTE

 **Sam:** EXCUSE YOU, BUT WHICH ONE OF OUR MANS CAN COOK?

 **Sam:** THATS RIGHT

 **Sam:** MINE

 **Bucky:** I concur that this case is closed.

 **Carol:** Hello, My man can cook too. Don’t I get a stake in this argument?

 **Bucky:** No. We have already settled that I am a better cook than anyone here.

 **Steve:** Well, I think we can all agree that anyone here his a better cook than Carol

 **Carol:** Watch it, Asshole. I just defended you.

 **Nat:** Your relationship is so weird

 **Steve:** I don’t even understand it and I’m in the relationship

 **Wanda:** RIP

 **Peter:** But we all know that my relationship is the most superior relationship.

**Tony:**

**Wanda:**

**Strange:**

**Nat:**

**T’Challa:** Sus

 **Shuri:** It ain’t me

 **Peter:** I’m in a very committed relationship with the love of my life.

 **Tony:** 👀👀👀

 **Peter:** Pizza

 **Carol:** EYE-

Strange: Not this again

 **Shuri:** 🍕

 **Peter:** 😌

 **Nat:** I thought I was going to have to stalk somebody.

 **Carol:** Okay, anygays

 **Carol:** Back to the important topic

 **Sam:** SamBucky’s superiority?

 **Wanda:** I will fight you

 **Carol:** N o

 **Carol:** What hallmark movie are we watching?

 **Nat:** A Bride for Christmas

 **Carol:** On it

 **Wanda:** OOOOO I LOVE THAT ONE

 **Peter:** That’s the one with dog, right?

 **Thor:** Dog?

 **Peter:** Dog

 **Bruce:** Shuri, translate

 **Shuri:** Dog

**Bruce:**

**Bruce:** Why do I even bother?

 **Carol:** OKAY EVERYBODY SHUT UP THE MOVIE IS STARTING

 **Strange:** What is this garbage, I already hate it.

 **Sam:** Strange, that’s a commercial-

 **Peter:** I like wholesome Hallmark movies about love

 **Peter:** It makes my future seem less hopeless.

**Tony:**

**Wanda:** EYE-

 **Shuri:** I’m right there with you, Peter.

 **Clint:** Oh, damn. She left him at the altar. 

**Bucky:** Wait, that’s the third guy she’s done that to?

 **Sam:** I feel like that’s such a Carol move though, like, take the money and go

 **Carol:** EXCUSE YOU

 **Carol:** I DON’T APPRECIATE IT WHEN YOU’RE RIGHT

 **Thor:** This man is a terrible man, he just made a bet over getting married.

 **Tony:** Yep, he’s really ruining his life with that one.

 **Nat:** Aaaaaand, dialing Pepper now.

 **Tony:** Don’t you fuckin dare.

 **Nat:** Listen, friend, you walked right into that one.

 **Steve:** Can we not watch a single movie in peace?

 **Wanda:** No.

 **Wanda:** You can't do anything in peace in this house.

 **Peter:** No peace, only pizza

 **Strange:** Peter, nobody knows what that means

 **Peter:** I know what it means, and that’s all that counts.

**Strange:**

**Strange:** Please, God, don;t let me self-destruct

 **Loki:** Request denied, death is amusing.

 **Thor:** Only for you, because you cheat it

 **Loki:** Cheating is my entire gimmick, brother.

 **Vision:** You know, I don;t see the purpose of a movie night if we're not actually going to watch the movie.

 **Peter:** Let’s just make our own Hallmark movie.

 **Carol:** That's literally just Sam and Bucky’s entire relationship.

 **Sam:** You’re just jealous because we’re a living hallmark movie, and you’re not.

 **Carol:** Excuse you bird brain, but who was the one who got your dumbasees together in the first place?

 **Carol:** If anything, I created your hallmark movie. I was the director and therefore I get rights as well.

 **Bucky:** Damn, she’s right.

**T’Challa:**

**T’Challa:** What is wrong with this fucking family?

 **Nat:** Honestly?

 **Nat:** Everything.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop- Sorry that it's been a ho minute, folks. Finals were kicking my ass. Hope you enjoyed thought, and I'll see ya all in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


	18. Kentucky Fried Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I have no fucking clue what this is.
> 
> Also, second note: Sorry I was gone for so long. School started up again and free time really said big nope.
> 
> We Have Our Own Avengers Assemble Discord Server now. If you love Marvel and/or you love to write, come join! https://discord.gg/2TVMW6W

_ Tony created a Server _

_ Tony named the Server: **God Help us all** _

_ Tony invited everyone _

**Tony:** Somebody

**Tony:** Please fucking explain to me

**Tony:** Why there is Demonic chanting coming from the upstairs floor.

**Wanda:** So that's what that was?

**Nat:** I thought it was just Clint making pizza again.

**Clint:** Excuse you, but my cries of pizza worship are _satanic_ not _demonic_

**Sam:** There’s a difference?

**Strange:** No

**Clint:** Oh, please. 

**Clint:** You of all people should know the difference.

**Carol:** This is true, he does summon demons for a living. 

**Thor:** I can summon demons too. 

**Thor:** Want to see?

**Bucky:** Thor, what-

**Thor: @Loki**

**Steve:**

**Tony:**

**Carol:** EYE-

**Loki:**

**Loki:** In no way do I find this amusing, Brother.

**Thor** : No, but I do.

**Nat:** Well, if it's not any of us and it's not Clint microwaving pizza, then there’s only one other person in the house it could be.

**Wanda:**

**Carol:**

**Vision:** Who?

**Clint: @Peter**

**Tony: @Peter**

**Nat: @Peter**

**T’Challa: @Shuri**

**Nat:** sdhgjfghjdfh

**Peter:** What?

**Peter:** Can’t a guy watch Teletubbies in peace?

**Carol:** pEtEr nO-

**Sam:** Peter, it’s 3am

**Peter:** You can’t call yourself a man unless you’ve watched teletubbies at 3am

**Strange:** Peter, you’re 16

**Peter:** I AM A MAN

**Shuri:** Y’all stop interrupting our movie night

**Wanda:** How is watching Teletubbies at 3am considered a movie night?

**Peter:** We’re indulging in all the throwbacks

**Shuri:** Yeah, Thomas the Tank Engine is next

**Clint:** !!!

**Clint:** …am…am I invited to this movie night?

**Nat:** Dear Lord

**Strange:** Why do I feel like I should have known that Barton watches Thomas the Tank Engine?

**Clint:** IT'S A GOOD SHOW, OKAY?

**Clint:** IT'S ABOUT A WHOLESOME TANK ENGINE WHO JUST WANTS FRIENDS AND YA KNOW WHAT? I CAN RELATE

**Nat:**

**Nat:** Nobody show Clint Thomas Memes-

**Carol:** I’m gonna do it

**Wanda:** CAROL NO-

**Carol:** CAROL _YES_

**Peter:** SILENCE FELLOW ADULTHOOD FOOLS

**Peter:** Shuri, pass the toes and cheese

**Shuri:** Of course, your Godliness

**Steve:** Tony, I thought you were going to have a conversation with Peter about his views of cannibalism-

**Peter:** TOES AND CHEESE

**Shuri:** TOES AND CHEESE

**Peter:** Toes and cheese are an essential part of life. 

**Peter:** If you were on my level, you would know that

**Peter:** But alas, you are simply peasants beneath my feet

**Tony:**

**Tony:** Peter, stop hanging out with Loki

**Peter:** Never

**Loki:** You can’t avoid the inevitable, Stark

**Loki:** You should be thanking me, really

**Loki:** Your child was trained incorrectly

**Loki:** And as his favorite uncle, I have taken it upon myself to right that wrong

**Bucky:** HEY

**Bucky:** WHO SAYS YOU'RE THE FAVORITE UNCLE

**Loki:** Me

**Clint:** _*bold words for someone in range of natasha’s blowtorches*_

**Nat:** CLINT GO PUT MY BLOWTORCHES BACK

**Clint:** YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING

**Clint:** LOKI PREPARE TO BURN YOU BITCH

**Wanda:** cArOl wHeReS tHe pOpCoRn?

**Carol:** i gOt yOu fAm

**Steve:** Oh shit, he's actually got the blowtorches

**Sam:** Normally, I would comment on your hypocrisy, but right now I'm too amused to care.

**Loki:** Lift a single finger against me, Barton, and I will turn you into a carton of Chicken Nuggets and feed you to Peter. 

**Peter:** N U G G S

**Peter:** I demand the nuggets

**Clint:** TOO LAT-

_ *Clint has been disconnected*  _

**Bucky:** OH

**Bucky:** OH SHIT

**Bucky:** OH FUCK

**Bucky** : HE ACTUALLY MCFREAKIN DID IT

**Tony:** LOKI WHY-

**Loki:** I warned the man, yet he failed to listen

**Peter:** So…uh…can I keep my views on cannibalism now..?

**Tony:** PETER NO-

**Nat:** This is what Teletubbies do to a child’s mind

**Strange:** I knew I should have banished them to a darker dimension-I mean, oh no, teletubbies...

**Carol:** Strange created Teletubbies confirmed?

**Wanda:** 👀

**Vision:** Teletubbies are terrifying creatures that never should have been created in the first place.

**Tony:** Strange, I blame you for my kid’s deviance

**Steve:** So, uh…is no one going to acknowledge the pressing matter at hand?

**Bucky:** Which is?

**Steve:** Loki turned clint into a fucking carton of KFC

**Sam:** Is that really a problem though?

**Nat:** YES

**Nat:** THERE ARE TWO HUNGRY, POSSIBLY POSSESSED TEENAGERS ON THE THIRD FLOOR SAM THIS IS VERY MUCH A PROBLEM-

**Bucky:** Question

**Steve:** What?

**Bucky:** If Clint dies, do I get to inherit his game cube collection?

**Sam:** Sure

**Bucky:** Alright, then my votes on feeding him to Peter

**Steve:** _this house is a fucking nightmare_

**Strange:** _no its a fucking night terror_

**Peter:** _KFC_

**Peter:** _KFC_

**Peter:** _KFC_

**Carol:** Wh-

**Shuri: _KFC_**

**Shuri: _KFC_**

**Shuri: _KFC_**

**Bucky:** _Kentucky Fried Clint_

**Tony:** Peter

**Peter:** Yes, Father

**Tony:** Why is the Thomas the Tank Engine Theme intensifying from the upstairs?

**Shuri:** _because ultimate fuckery is about to commence_

**Wanda:** _somebody hide the KFC_

**Peter:** _No...give me the KFC_

**Peter:** I MUST MONCH

**Carol:** Strange, I think we’re going to need an exorcism

**Strange:** Sorry, I'm off duty today. Come back in three months when I feel like talking to you people again

**Loki:** This was not at all how I expected this encounter to go, but I must say, this may just be my finest moment yet.

**Vision:** Do you think if we ate one of the drumsticks, Clint would still come back in one piece?   


**Bucky:** Wanna try it?

**Sam:** Hell yeah

**Steve:** nO-

**T’Challa:** I walked in for one moment, and now I am leaving.

**Tony:** If I slam my head into the wall hard enough, maybe I’ll wake up from this fever dream

**Strange:** I will assist you with that

**Tony:** Of course you would

**Peter:** I have arrived in the kitchen, father. 

**Wanda:** Rip Clint

**Nat:** Peter stay away from the KFC

**Peter:** You cannot contain me Aunty Nat

**Peter:** The power of the teletubbies compels me

**Tony:** sTrAnGe dO sOmEtHiNg

**Strange:** Fine. The things I fucking do for you people

_ Clint has been reconnected _

**Clint:** ALRIGHT FUCKER

**Clint:** YOU THINK YOU’RE FUNNY DONTCHA?

**Loki:** Honestly, I liked you better as a bucket of fried chicken, at least then you had an actual use.

**Nat:** Oh-

**Wanda:** oH dAMN-

**Clint:** YOU HAVE SQWA-ED YOUR LAST AK BITCH

**Clint:** _natasha I need to borrow your blowtorches again_

**Nat:** _no_

**Clint:** _please_

**Clint:** _its for a worthy cause_

**Nat:**

**Nat:** _f i n e_

**Tony:** I will permit household arson, just this once. 

**Clint:** PREPARE TO DIE

**Loki:** _bold of you to assume my powers exclude arson_

**Peter:** _Okay, but more important question._   


**Peter:** _Do I still get my KFC?_

**Steve:** No

**Loki:** ….

**Steve:** Loki nO-

**Wanda:** OOP-

**Strange:** Welp

**Strange:** That's it, I’m out, can’t help you there

**Bucky:** _Kentucky Fried Cap_

**Tony:** Well, Fuck

**Loki: 😎**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was quite the fever dream, wasn't it? Anyway, y'all know the drill. Feel free to let me know how many braincells you lost while reading this jfghdjfhg and as always requests are open as my idea generation has hit an all time low *WUS plays in the background lol*  
> Anyway, that's all for now! Thanks for dropping by and I'll see you in the next one!
> 
> \- Angie ^^

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME BACK FREMS!!!  
> Did ya miss me? I missed y'all. My creative energy has finally returned and we are kicking off the start of part 2 with a nice lil prologue. Not sure If I'll have a regular updating schedule, but I'm going to aim for updating every week-every other week or so, but we'll see. Anyway, As always, you know what to do. Leave comments, feedback, requests, favorite moments. I love hearing from you!!
> 
> \- Angie ^^


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